Love-less

Just something I am writing.

 Does anyone else feel this way? You truly don't think that anyone even likes you, let alone how could they even love you? You've always been treated as if you were a joke and you pretty much were. What's even the point of trying to start a relationship when you know that you just bore them. It doesn't take them long to try and start a relationship with someone else while you are with them. It's pointless, just so useless to this degree. 

 You ever look at yourself in the mirror, getting ready for bed, brushing you teeth, washing your face, the same ol' routine. It just feels like something needs to change, I wish I didn't have to any of this anymore, it just feels as if it got old. I got old. Am I just too old for myself? 

 A lot of the time, I feel as if I'm going to die soon. I don't know, I just have this feeling. Do I wish for it? Yes and no. Yes, because it would just be solid serenity, I don't have to deal with anything anymore. Sometimes, I just pull my sheet over my face and just don't want to deal with the day or anything of the day. I kept pulling away from things I needed to get done and now, I am getting it done but I could have had it done far earlier. 

 No, I would rather not die because I want to be here for my parents. I've had thoughts of how is life going to be like five years from now? I don't know why, I still have this feeling that I am going to die and soon. But, if you think, will I still be single and living as what I already do. Will I be living in my own place by myself or with a room mate?  Will I be married and have a kid/s? I have no idea and we're not supposed to know. What's life going to be like if I'm still here?