You are what is best.

"I want what is best for you. You know how you say I am your best friend along with your boyfriend? Well, I will always be there for you. Wherever this may lead us. Together or not. If I am not what is best, so be it. I want what is best for you because I love you."

Tears streamed down my face. Why does he not want to be with me? Does he not want to be my boyfriend? Why does he not understand? Why doesn't he not get it? He IS what is best for me. I wanted him in every way humanly possible.

 

"You are what is best for me.. just believe me. I know." I said in a shaky voice and I sniffled.

 

"No I am not, Beth. I f**k up all the time and it hurts you. I don't want to hurt you."

 

I whiped tears from my face and said "No you don't" between heavy sobbs.

 

Silence. I bit my lip and starting bawling. I couldn't keep up with my tears. Once I whiped one away, another replaced it. My stomach started to turn and my head started aching. I don't understand. What did I do wrong? Why does he not love me? Why does he want to be with someone else?

 

"Give me a reason why I am what is best for you." he said.

 

This was my chance I took a deep breath.

 

"I love you. For everything you are. We'll get through this like we do everything else.. I don't want to kiss anyone else or make love to anyone else. I don't want to fall asleep in anyone elses' arms. Everything is different with you. I want you. YOU. I need you. You are what keeps me going. You're the only one who listens to me and I don't want to see you love anyone else. You know how much that'd kill me?" the thought of him being with someone else brought my heart to my stomach. Tears started streaming again and my voice started to crack into whimpers. "Huh? You get how that would hurt me? If you don't want to hurt me, don't leave me. You are EVERYTHING to me. You got that? Everything. I love you and I will never love anyone like I do you."

 

There was silence. A long pause.

 

"Those are things you want. I can still be here as your best friend, Beth. But I want what is best for you. I will never stop loving you. I will always be your best friend."

 

Why the f**k does he not want to be with me? I thought he loved me? I thought he promised all these things, and now he is gonna go back on them? I was getting angry.

 

"Why the f**k do you not get it? Why don't you love me? What on Earth did I do? What the f**k did I do. I am trying with all I f*****g can to give you a reason and it's not good enough."

 

"Babe, calm down" he pleaded.

 

"I don't know what you want." I said.

 

"I want you. And I want you to want me in every humanly way possible. I want you to look at me differently than you do other guys. I want you to be in my arms and feel like nothing could be any better. I want you to love me. I want you to be in love with me and spend forever with me. I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I want you to be happy and have everything that is best for you because that's what you deserve."

 

"All your wants don't need to be wanted because they're already true" I said.

Reviews

[Chris38]

Well this was very emotional and i noticed the use of your own name in it so am i right in assuming this is all true? To write about yourself in such an honest, forthright way takes a lot of courage. I tend to write about myself at a removed angle. I liked this a lot and look forward to reading more.