Falling.

I still have our photographs,

and I still remember your laugh.

 

When I see you over there, I wanna dissapear.

Vanish into thin air.

 

Walls we bulit together are tumblin'

and the floor we stand on is fallin'.

 

I still stand here standing on a piece, holding onto the roof,

trying to hide from the truth.

 

The words are screaming in my ear,

but I stand here watching your face grow pale with fear.

 

I reach for your hand,

but the cracks between us grows wide as it can.

 

With tears in your eyes, you watch me cry.

 

You bite your lip, leaving me with a tip.

 

You tell me to stop pretending it's not ending.

 

I watch you fall,

I start to call out. Call for you.

 

I stand there, alone.

 

Surrounded by nothing but air.

Love, it's not fair.

 

I feel it in my chest grow tight, I let it tear.

Reviews

[Greg Skura]

Well Done! Quite intense read as your world crumbles.

[Chris38]

Beth, couldn't care leess about your similes or how often you use the same word. I use repetition a lot myself as it often adds emphasis to the poem. This was an excellent piece and the repeated use of the word air worked really well

[OT]

nice!! I think the rhymes were fine in my opinion! and dislike the idea we can only use a word once per poem, I feel poetry is flowing from the mind, not abiding by a checklist of what to do and what not!! you are expressing your emotions, and well here, the imagery compliments that and lends towards a personal read, like a peek into your world!! well done!!

[Everett DeValle]

A very poignant write of romance lost...a lovely read.

[lJ french]

i like this its very deep and emotional

[Rossen]

O to be loved and lost,
releasing feelings of seperaration
into a poem and keep them forever.

[Tate Morgan]

Sad to see a dream end this hurts to read

[Jonathan De Elvira]

emotional poem always tend to be misjudged and all. don't hold it too much in your heart Beth.
This one was good in emotional point of view.

[Beth Wilcox]

V I think you're a bit rude and I don't want imagery, I was referring to how I felt. I didn't want to add in anything that didn't reflect back upon that. I can use the word "air" as much as I please and I don't care how cliche I sound. I don't care if I'm off balance. Or if I have original similies. It's all together not original because I wrote it from my heart.

[Alessander]

This has sort of an off-balance rhythm, which I think reflects the chaotic feelings and almost playful, yet sad, tones.

There is some diction, which rhymes more than content dictated, which weakened the poem a bit. Like "tip" - it's too - commercial, casual. It rhymes with "lip" true, but it halted my reading. "grows wide as it can." also wanted a more original simile, phrase.

I like how it ended, with a tercet (unlike the previous couplets). I think you naturally understood how cliche it would of sounded ending it in a rhyming couplet and rightfully substituted the tercet. However, you did already use "air" previously - something to think about. I almost want it to be longer, but what I really want is more imagery - but then again, I'm like the imagery nazi lol good work.