Adddict to nothing....

Drugged up mad on nothing

 

He pulls me close for phsical connection,

But I sure hope he doesn't want perfection.

I don't know my way all to well,

Hopefully it go smooth but swell.

 

He goes a little mad when we all done,

Like he's frying slowly on the sweltering sun.

Seems hungry but for what? I don't know,

Is he staying I suspected he'd go...

 

His eyes are red and peirce my soul,

When he glowers at me I become a black hole,

He looks ready to tear off my clothing,

Loving but I see him loathing.

 

He seems to not like me but love my skin,

He missing all my heart within.

As our bodies connect,

I see he just wants me for sex.

 

I am not valued, not one bit,

I am angry now my teeth I grit.

He played and disposed me in the bin,

But he was still drugged up on nothing.

Author's Note

sort of rough but reviews are welcome, don't really know if I like it or not ??

Reviews

[bethany cullen]

Aww thank you chris :) and I'd love to read and review some of YOUR stories I shall get right on that because I think I got a glimpse of one and it looked very well written x

[Chris]

I also noticed the flaws - just so ya know. We listeners do that - notice things, form opinions (right AND wrong). We even breathe too - who'ld a thunk?

My comment is: we seem to pin our self-worth on those we let close because we feel how fragile our world can be when the rooms are empty and its 2AM. Snuggling to a pillow just isn't the same - there is no pulse and the warmth is just our own reflected back. We WANT the little things - the ones that are done BECAUSE another wanted to do them for us - not because they HAD to, but because they WANTED to. We want to be heard because THAT means our life has meaning - that someone really wants to KNOW what we do, think, how we act - react. Beth, sharing takes two and so does listening.

Take care.
Chris

[bethany cullen]

hah! It does help thank you x and I love your writing your so friendly too x I loved your poem gravely downpours, I think that is the title, I know you submitted it in my contest and it's definetly being considered as a winner :) my newest chapter in appetite will be published in about 20 minuates I shall send you a request if you don't mind, your reviews really do help , thanks again :)

[Alana McGuire]

"He pulls me close for phsical connection," --physical is just missing the y.
"I don't know my way all to well," --to should be spelled as too.
"Hopefully it go smooth but swell." --go should be goes.
"He goes a little mad when we all done," --we should be we're.
"Is he staying I suspected he'd go..." --There should be a comma after staying, or you could rephrase it or make it into two sentences.
"He missing all my heart within." --He should be He's.

I hope that helps some. :)
I really like the poem. And if it's based on a true event in your life, you can do soooo much better than that. You seem like such a lovely person and you deserve the best of the best, not just someone who loves what you will give them. Keep writing amazingness and sharing it with me, pretty please. :)

[bethany cullen]

the title got sort of fuzzed becoz my laptop froze soz x