To Good Health!

The staffroom. Miss O’Reilly is perched haphazardly on the couch; Mr. Devonshire and Mrs White are whispering animatedly in a secluded corner. Several of the other teachers are lazing about on armchairs, ignoring the large piles of unmarked books beside them.

 

Mr. Roberts and Mr. Ellis enter stage left, each carrying a mug of coffee.

 

Mr. Roberts:              What do you reckon Archie? Wouldn’ say no t’ a spot of ‘good                                          health’ in that coffee now would you?

 

Mr. Ellis:                    Lord knows I need it Tom.

 

Mr. Roberts:              Had a bad mornin’ I take it? Same in our department. Mind you,    can’ complain, only ‘ad one group this mornin’ m’self.

 

Mr. Ellis:                    Aye, me too. But with the likes of these year sevens... [shakes                                             head] …I’m getting too old for this.

 

Mr. Roberts:              I don’ believe it Arch. You don’ look a day over fifty-five.

 

Mr. Ellis:                    Sixty-two this summer. And you’re right about my coffee. Aye. I                                       wouldn’t say no.

 

Mr. Roberts:              [trying to discretely pour a rather large amount of fine whisky into                                       the two coffees, but failing miserably] Here y’ are chap. Take a                                       break on me.

 

Miss O’Reilly:            [Suddenly jumping up from the couch] Mr. Roberts!

 

Mr. Roberts:              Yes April?

 

Miss O’Reilly:            Don’t you ‘yes April’ me! I saw that! You know very well that                                           drinking on the premises is strictly forbidden, and that means you                                       as well. Don’t you go thinking that you get an exception!

 

Mr. Roberts:              But April…

 

Miss O’Reilly:            [interrupting] Either share that around now or throw the damned                                        thing away!

 

Mr. Roberts:              What?!

 

Miss O’Reilly:            You heard me Tom. Share it out.

 

Mr. Roberts:              You mean [pauses]

 

Miss O’Reilly:            You know precisely what I mean. I think we all deserve a break                                          today.

 

[Handing the bottle to Mr. Ellis, Mr. Roberts leans in to kiss Miss O’Reilly. She puts her hand up in front of his face to stop him.]

 

Miss O’Reilly:            This is a centre of education Tom!

 

Mr. Roberts:              Well it’s ‘ardly stoppin’ Charlie and Rachael over there.

 

[Mrs White and Mr. Devonshire look up on hearing their names, but they merely retreat to a safer distance and continue their whispered conversation]

 

Miss O’Reilly:            Oh really Tom, this is not the time. I’ve got 11C next, and I            was hoping to get a bit of relaxation this break.

 

Mr. Roberts:              But…

 

Miss O’Reilly once more holds out her hand to stop Mr. Roberts. She lowers it and speaks forcefully to Mr. Ellis:

 

Miss O’Reilly:            Hand me that bottle Archie.

 

Curtain.