Chapter 6

          In the morning I got woken up by a whole tub of Arizona iced tea dumped on me. I jumped up and punched James in the stomach. He just laughed.

          “What is wrong with you? And why do you always have to dump iced tea on me? Are we having a shortage of water or something?” I screamed.

          He could barely breathe because he was laughing so hard. “I’m… Not cleaning… That… Up…” He chocked.

          “Well neither am I so we’re just going to have to pray that I get a fairy god mother with an obsession with cleaning so she can do it for us.” I huffed and headed towards the shower. Officer James, or James as I now called him because I didn’t think he deserved the title of Officer anymore, ran up behind me, threw me over his shoulder and walked to the front door. “Rule number four. Hygiene comes last.” Then we went outside while I was kicking and screaming and he was whistling What A Wonderful Life. Today I found a zombie corpse hanging from the basketball hoop.

          “Is this legal?” I asked?

          James shrugged. “Who cares? I’m a Red Shield Officer. No one questions what I do. And besides, it’s already dead. It’s not like it can hurt or infect anyone. We’re totally safe.”

          I rolled my eyes for at least the third time since I’d met him. “You sound like the United States government. They can do whatever they want.”

          “Now let’s focus, Lotta. What do you see? He asked.

          I looked over at the rotting corpse. “A really smelly biohazard?”

          “You’ll make me go bankrupt with all this tea I have to dump on you.” He poured some more iced tea on me.

          “Then stop doing that!”

          “How else are you supposed to learn?” He asked innocently.

          “You’re such a child.” I sighed.

          “Ha! You’re one to talk kid! Now let’s get back to training. Look at it closer. What do you see?”

          I sat down on the hot court and thought. The dangling corpse brought back terrible images of my father, which I shook away immediately. The thing’s body was riddled with scratches and scrapes, and its eye was dangling from its socket on only a few attached pieces of flesh. The body was that of a woman, no more than five foot three inches, with dirty blonde hair and a cheerleader’s body, or what used to be.

          “I’d say she got pregnant with the quarterback’s son and the family decided to ‘take care of her’ in a more less expensive manner, so they threw her in a pit full of zombified people.” I looked up and James sighed.

          “Can’t you take this seriously?” He asked, crinkling his nose.

          “No, not really. Especially when you’re standing over me looking like an angry mother.”

          “Fine.” He sat down. “Better?”

          I nodded. “Yeah, it’s an improvement.”

          “Now, what type do you think she is?” He asked.

          “Is? As in present tense? As in she could come to life any minute and devour us both?” My mouth gaped open and my eyes began drying due to their current size.

          James rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Well… you see… It kind of… Is alive… At the moment… I just sedated her for a while…”

          I gasped. “How in the hell did you get past security?”

          Now James looked proud of his own cunning. He puffed out his chest and tilted his chin in a manly manner. “Two of my best friends are the security. They even drove it here for me.”

          I threw my arms up in the air. “Nobody cares about my safety anymore!”

          “They won’t have to once I’m through with you. You’ll be tougher than…” He paused, thinking of the appropriate inanimate object.

          “You.” I replied with a sly grin.

          He glared at me. “Hardy har. I was thinking more like a chair. Though, even they might be tougher than you.” I punched his shoulder and he whimpered.

          “Wuss. Oh, and your little dangly Halloween decoration over there is a Spitter.” I got a nod of approval from my mentor.

          “Now prove it.” He urged.

          “Well for example-“ He stopped me.

          “Go up there and show me.”

          “What? Are you insane? I have to touch her?” I shuddered at the thought of laying even a molecule on the grotesque being.

          James held his hand out in her direction. “Well? Go on. Just show me why you think she’s a Spitter and we’ll move on with the lesson.” He assured me.

          “No way Jose. There is no way I’m going over there. I’m going to stay right here.” I crossed my arms and huffed.

          He rolled his eyes and picked me up, carrying me all the way over to the putrid zombie. I was shaking in his arms and he chuckled under his breath. “One thing you need to learn is to control your fear. Always keep an open and calm mind. It’s your best bet for survival.” Then he set me down and stepped back a foot or two. I glared at him but then lifted my shaky hand.

          “W… well you s… see, s… she has some umm… burn marks on the side of her lips… probably from the a… aci… acid…” I stuttered. After my demonstration I ran behind him and made sure he was blocking her way to me in case of an attack.

          “Good work. Now I’m going to let her go.” He started walking towards her and I screamed, trying to get as much space between us as physically possible in the small court.

          I heard a gust of air being let out of James like a deflating hot air balloon. “You failed the first test.”

          “What?” I turned around, still a bit weary.

          “I wasn’t actually going to let her loose, you’re way too under trained for that and god knows what would have happened. I was just trying to see how you’d react in such a situation, and you didn’t listen to me. I told you to stay calm and you screamed. We’re going to have to start over.”

          I lowered my head in dismay, utterly embarrassed by myself. How had I not noticed? Obviously he wouldn’t have let her loose… Why did I not listen to him? “I’m sorry…” I apologized sincerely.

          “It’s alright kiddo. Go to the house and clean up. It’s high time you took a shower. You smell like a hobo.”

          “I wonder who’s fault that might be?” I shot him a glance and he returned the favor as I walked away. I had been anxiously anticipating this shower, and I would kill to get it, literally.