In Memory of my Father

You lose someone once and you think the sun will never rise again. This is more of a poem about despair, fatherlessness coincided with despair. plot twist, sun always rises. but it's night now.

I fought until my cuticles were torn off

I punched the wall but I was the only one who was hurt

After the sun came I looked at the flooded streets

After that rain it didn't worth to see the rainbow

My flowers were torn and broken by the wind

I didn't even try to dry the water that came in

I covered the sound of drops hitting the walls with my screams

I found meaning in the peeling plaster

I called a fortune teller and begged her to sell me hope

Even turning on the lights and drawing the curtains was a movement full of bright

But I can't even stand the gleam anymore

I believed that I will find life in the morgue

So I ran to my father's grave to escape from my home

They told me to clean the dried grass

Forgive me Father; can I do it later?

I'm too tired right now

I can't even pray, I don't know why I'm here

A muddy soil cause of the rain and thorns with roses

My birthday is written on your tombstone

Even the age you would have been if you had lived

Still too young to die

Author's Note

My father died on my birthday and today is his anniversary. I have grown up since the day he died but he will always be at the same age.
23/12

Reviews

[Lorry]

Well that is one tough gig to play snd on your birthday too!
Days will pass by in a haze and one day you'll forget for a moment and laugh or smile again, but then you'll feel awful for it.
I won't say it will get better, but it will get more bearable and it will make it easier to remember the good times too.
My Dad passed very soon after 9/11 and every anniversary of thar reminds me of him and the last conversation we had, where he just shook his head, let out a sigh and said something like "bar steward's" I think.
Summed up perfectly by the man of few words.
One day you'll realise that he wouldn't want to be the cause of your sadness and you will try to smile again.
Hope it's soon.

[Beren Ongur]

I don't think it goes away with time, it doesn't get better, you don't get used to it or it doesn't lose its effect. You just remember it less. But every time you remember it, you relive that loss all over again. I can understand. I'm definitely better now, I'll still miss him bitterly but not that sharper anymore, i learned better how to deal with it. I'm so sorry for your loss. Everything they said and every memory is so precious. I hope you're better too.

I'm grateful for stopping by here to read my poem and share your own story. hope i see you again soon

[Martiya Daman]

I am so sorry for your father. I know when this happens, people feel upset and sad. Fathers are everything for us. Once we lose our father, we never get him back. The main feeling in this poem is grief - that big sadness we feel when we lose someone we love very much. You are showing us that it's okay to feel really sad and tired when we lose someone special. Don't worry, Beren, your dad is still in your heart. The worst surpise on your birthday, again I am sorry for you...

Martiya

[Beren Ongur]

Ahh dear thank you so so much! Your words are in my heart, in the best place. Thank you so much for reading! I’ll read your works too and if you ever need someone to talk I would like to be your friend!

[Martiya Daman]

My pleasure! Sure, I would like a friend :)

[Tumi]

Oh, my god, it really as sad poem,
And a big sorry for your loss,
I can Imagine a day of expectations and happiness, become a day of agony and tears

Tenderly felt,
The last 2 lines where striking,
So softly written, so poignant

[Beren Ongur]

ah thank you, your comments means a lot to me!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

This moved me tremendously. I lost my dad in 2017...Mom in 2014.

I miss both so much...my dad and I in the later years were more buddies...

Your words are such, they honor him with love.
j.

[Beren Ongur]

i am so sorry for you loss... rest in peace to them.
I know they are proud that you are their child.

thank you for reading and sharing yours...
take care

[A.H.]

so sorry, it pains to hear about your loss, dear friend. you talk of everything here, the bond, the love, the pain, the despair and the deep loss in this poem. reading through it, is almost living through it. But I'm sure he's up there, he's watching you, always with you and rooting for you. All the strength to you and more, my friend. Thank you for sharing.

[Beren Ongur]

ah this is such a powerful thing to say... i missed your reviews, i am glad to see you here!
thank you so much for reading and making such a kind and sincere comment!
take care

[A.H.]

thank you, you're very welcome. take care.

[poetgurl]

I know how you feel, I lost my father when I was really little and a couple years ago I lost my mom.
Sorry about your loss.

[Beren Ongur]

i am so sorry for your loss. you can reach out to me whenever you want.
thank you for reading and making a comment
ps; i loved your work i'll make a review soon.
take care!

[poetgurl]

Thank you so much, that is fine just take your time.

[Pete]

quite emotive and real. i can feel the pain and anguish in this. i lost both parents a few years ago but they were quite old. i know how it feels - the world just doesn't seem the same anymore, everything is different and less anchored without their presence. their last wish was to be cremated and their ashes scattered in the ocean at the beach where they met. keep your chin up, you have memories that no one can ever take away. they are still a part of us and live on inside of us. i still talk to them in my head.

[Beren Ongur]

No prison can take away the time you spent with them. I am sorry for your loss, I wish them eternal peace where their ashes lie. I wish you patience and beautiful memories to remember. Life is precious, those who have lost loved ones understand this best. I am grateful for your time to read, thank you. A truly valuable comment

[Pete]

true that.

[emmajoygreen]

Hands held, dear friend. Nothing but memories matter right now but.. perhaps think this..

how would your darling father want you to feel on your birthday? Perhaps his love and wisdom would hope you could see whatever's gentle and beautiful today: such a special day for him.. he was given a very precious gift.. YOU - his precious daughter. Smile for him.. ..

[Beren Ongur]

thank you... this is such a sweet and sincere comment. i felt better already. The interesting part is that you have posted this comment on the birth date that I changed on my ID and i celebrate at the new date anymore. I think your intuition is strong, it comes from a clean heart. Thank you. happy new year!

[emmajoygreen]

Life is extraordinary, a few words, a few thoughts and the mind and heart work together. That is either a miracle or a gift come from somewhere magical!!!

Hopefully we can share some other happy times.. they're due .. they must be!!! :)

[Everett Dulin]

very lovely read, these things are very hard, dwell on the memory, not the loss friend.

[Beren Ongur]

i know, thank you for everything. hope you are doing well

[Mk.t.g]

bestie... im so soryy, i hope it gets bearable for you as time passes by, even if i know it won't, the feeling you feel this day, you'll feel it everyday, because he was your father, your best friend. im so sorry, but i hope it gets better for you

[Beren Ongur]

i am better thank you dear. I feel better especially when I see your comment. thank you for being here. take care!

[Mk.t.g]

your welcome, cutieeee >333

[Betty Hermelee]

A very tragic poem...feeling helpless and desperate in your heart is so so sad...I can relate to this, as I had a
very dark period recently....feeling like you want to punch a wall in, is anger, desperate anger to let those feelings go....going to you father's grave could be an act of solace, even though he's not alive, yet he is there in spirit, and sometimes that's a good thing to calm the soul...losing a father too young is stressful...we all want our parents to lives of quality, and die in dignity....This is such a poignant personal poem....i feel it, know it and thank you for sharing!!!
Warmly, B

[Beren Ongur]

oh, thank you so much for always being so thoughtful and making comments that are meant to soothe personal pain. I hope you are doing better now, no matter what phase you are going through, I promise you that your pain will pass. Because everything in this life is temporary. I am grateful for taking the time to read and comment on my poem, I hope you have a wonderful year, I hope we meet again next year with more beautiful poems.

[Betty Hermelee]

Of course we will meet many times and exchange poetry...that's what we do in the Cafe!
Happy New Year!
Warmly, B