In Memory of my Father

You lose someone once and you think the sun will never rise again. This is more of a poem about despair, fatherlessness coincided with despair. plot twist, sun always rises. but it's night now.

I fought until my cuticles were torn off

I punched the wall but I was the only one who was hurt

After the sun came I looked at the flooded streets

After that rain it didn't worth to see the rainbow

My flowers were torn and broken by the wind

I didn't even try to dry the water that came in

I covered the sound of drops hitting the walls with my screams

I found meaning in the peeling plaster

I called a fortune teller and begged her to sell me hope

Even turning on the lights and drawing the curtains was a movement full of bright

But I can't even stand the gleam anymore

I believed that I will find life in the morgue

So I ran to my father's grave to escape from my home

They told me to clean the dried grass

Forgive me Father; can I do it later?

I'm too tired right now

I can't even pray, I don't know why I'm here

A muddy soil cause of the rain and thorns with roses

My birthday is written on your tombstone

Even the age you would have been if you had lived

Still too young to die

Author's Note

My father died on my birthday and today is his anniversary. I have grown up since the day he died but he will always be at the same age.
23/12

Reviews

[Lorry]

Well that is one tough gig to play snd on your birthday too!
Days will pass by in a haze and one day you'll forget for a moment and laugh or smile again, but then you'll feel awful for it.
I won't say it will get better, but it will get more bearable and it will make it easier to remember the good times too.
My Dad passed very soon after 9/11 and every anniversary of thar reminds me of him and the last conversation we had, where he just shook his head, let out a sigh and said something like "bar steward's" I think.
Summed up perfectly by the man of few words.
One day you'll realise that he wouldn't want to be the cause of your sadness and you will try to smile again.
Hope it's soon.

[berenongur]

I don't think it goes away with time, it doesn't get better, you don't get used to it or it doesn't lose its effect. You just remember it less. But every time you remember it, you relive that loss all over again. I can understand. I'm definitely better now, I'll still miss him bitterly but not that sharper anymore, i learned better how to deal with it. I'm so sorry for your loss. Everything they said and every memory is so precious. I hope you're better too.

I'm grateful for stopping by here to read my poem and share your own story. hope i see you again soon

[poetgurl]

I know how you feel, I lost my father when I was really little and a couple years ago I lost my mom.
Sorry about your loss.

[berenongur]

i am so sorry for your loss. you can reach out to me whenever you want.
thank you for reading and making a comment
ps; i loved your work i'll make a review soon.
take care!

[poetgurl]

Thank you so much, that is fine just take your time.

[Re-Pete]

quite emotive and real. i can feel the pain and anguish in this. i lost both parents a few years ago but they were quite old. i know how it feels - the world just doesn't seem the same anymore, everything is different and less anchored without their presence. their last wish was to be cremated and their ashes scattered in the ocean at the beach where they met. keep your chin up, you have memories that no one can ever take away. they are still a part of us and live on inside of us. i still talk to them in my head.

[berenongur]

No prison can take away the time you spent with them. I am sorry for your loss, I wish them eternal peace where their ashes lie. I wish you patience and beautiful memories to remember. Life is precious, those who have lost loved ones understand this best. I am grateful for your time to read, thank you. A truly valuable comment

[Re-Pete]

true that.

[emmajoygreen]

Hands held, dear friend. Nothing but memories matter right now but.. perhaps think this..

how would your darling father want you to feel on your birthday? Perhaps his love and wisdom would hope you could see whatever's gentle and beautiful today: such a special day for him.. he was given a very precious gift.. YOU - his precious daughter. Smile for him.. ..

[berenongur]

thank you... this is such a sweet and sincere comment. i felt better already. The interesting part is that you have posted this comment on the birth date that I changed on my ID and i celebrate at the new date anymore. I think your intuition is strong, it comes from a clean heart. Thank you. happy new year!

[emmajoygreen]

Life is extraordinary, a few words, a few thoughts and the mind and heart work together. That is either a miracle or a gift come from somewhere magical!!!

Hopefully we can share some other happy times.. they're due .. they must be!!! :)

[Everett Dulin]

very lovely read, these things are very hard, dwell on the memory, not the loss friend.

[berenongur]

i know, thank you for everything. hope you are doing well

[Mk.t.g]

bestie... im so soryy, i hope it gets bearable for you as time passes by, even if i know it won't, the feeling you feel this day, you'll feel it everyday, because he was your father, your best friend. im so sorry, but i hope it gets better for you

[berenongur]

i am better thank you dear. I feel better especially when I see your comment. thank you for being here. take care!

[Mk.t.g]

your welcome, cutieeee >333

[Betty Hermelee]

A very tragic poem...feeling helpless and desperate in your heart is so so sad...I can relate to this, as I had a
very dark period recently....feeling like you want to punch a wall in, is anger, desperate anger to let those feelings go....going to you father's grave could be an act of solace, even though he's not alive, yet he is there in spirit, and sometimes that's a good thing to calm the soul...losing a father too young is stressful...we all want our parents to lives of quality, and die in dignity....This is such a poignant personal poem....i feel it, know it and thank you for sharing!!!
Warmly, B

[berenongur]

oh, thank you so much for always being so thoughtful and making comments that are meant to soothe personal pain. I hope you are doing better now, no matter what phase you are going through, I promise you that your pain will pass. Because everything in this life is temporary. I am grateful for taking the time to read and comment on my poem, I hope you have a wonderful year, I hope we meet again next year with more beautiful poems.

[Betty Hermelee]

Of course we will meet many times and exchange poetry...that's what we do in the Cafe!
Happy New Year!
Warmly, B

[Thomas W Case]

This is so sad and moving. Beautiful work. Powerful.

[berenongur]

thank you for your time to read and comment sir! take care.

[Arundass TP]

Tragedy is a hollow rope, we call it's a fate. Very sad poem.

[berenongur]

thank you so much for reading sir.

[Arundass TP]

Welcome friend 😊

[Zoa]

This almost got me crying. Every line, every word was carrying the emotions that you must have felt while writing it. It's late but Happy Birthday...hope you will live a life with a bright smile (probably, this is what your father would wish for). Keep writing!! ✨️

[berenongur]

oh this is so sweet. thank you so much. your praise for my writing made me so happy to be able to make you feel this much, but I hope you will feel those feelings in my happier and more hopeful poems in the future, not the heartbreaking ones.
and thank you so much for your kindness, it is absolutely sincere. it put a smile on my face.
thank you for your time!

[Dave W.]

I lost my Father in 2021, it hurts when I get the thought to give him a call about something and I remember that he's gone, I feel thsi poem so much.

[berenongur]

i am so sorry for your loss sir. you'll get better, i promise. rest in peace to him...
thank you for reading my poem and sharing your feelings. hope you are doing better now

[Dave W.]

I am doing better, grief comes in waves, things are better but the first year was rough

[berenongur]

you are right, grief comes in waves...
put your emotions to the poems, we will be here to read them always!1

[Dave W.]

I think that I would go crazy if not for the ability to write, there is so a storm that rages, writing is the outlet for all those feelings. Here is to a better year.