dead flowers

When the petals of the flowers in my heart fell and you thought it was a seasonal thing
I said they might need help
The flowers are dead now

I thought you were busy when I stopped playing guitar and you didn't notice
When you don't wait for me to sleep and doze off
I learned that you can sleep without hugging me

You jumped over a full suitcase in the middle of the room
The suitcase we took with us when we went to Istanbul
I never thought that one day I would fill it alone

Which t-shirts should I put in?
You bought this when we first started dating
I had this on when we first made love
This is the skirt that the shopkeepers tricked us into buying with nice words during our holiday
I wore this dress when I met your mother
she liked it

When I felt nauseous, you said the food might spoiled.
I hadn't eat anything that day
When I said I was dizzy, you said it would be better if i sleep
I wasn't get out of bed

When I became a stranger in the house,
I hoped we could meet again
Now I think If my roommate, whom I haven't met yet, got sick, I would take care of him.
I know you won't notice I'm gone
I left the stuffs too
I put the only excess in that house in front of the door
I'm stepping out

Reviews

[A.H.]

Poetry is expression and you put it all out here. Life, love and heartbreaks. The hardest to come to terms with and but life it is. You did so well here to bring out the feelings and emotions from the depths of your heart. Dead flowers may be, one day it will bloom again! Thanks for sharing, berenongur.

[Beren Ongur]

Some flowers are not suitable for some soils. Some flowers do not like sunlight. I am sunlight and I cannot find myself in the winter. Maybe some flowers should not bloom. Thank you, I am glad you liked it, your ideas and feedback are always important.

[A.H.]

Glad to hear your thoughts too. thanks for sharing, have a beautiful day and week ahead.

[I Shred This Cabbage]

I love this opening;
When the petals of the flowers in my heart fell and you thought it was a seasonal thing
I said they might need help

You are so incredibly good at putting the reader into the moment with beautiful intricate and personal details, and sneaking in absolute killer lines like this;

When I became a stranger in the house,
I hoped we could meet again

Love this poem. Maybe my favourite

[Beren Ongur]

Who sent you? Which heaven?

i am glad you liked this, but I make a game in my head of thinking about which poems you would like if you read them, and this wasn't one of them. I didn't think you would like this one.

thank you for your time, i am greatful

[I Shred This Cabbage]

Your own heaven I presume. I only exist in your world! If there’s poems you think I should read let me know, you have so many! And for the record, I have liked every poem I’ve read of yours thus far! Why didn’t you think I would like this one? I think I like it because it does something I am not very good at and that’s bringing in the personal. You genuinely have a gift for making your poems seems like they exist in a singular moment. It’s what the best poetry does I think

[Beren Ongur]

I do a lot of storytelling, there may be a lot of enlightenment about me. If you want to read, choose what comes to mind, you have a good inner voice. Listen.

your words means a lot more than you think

[I Shred This Cabbage]

Yes, the storytelling comes through! But you also don’t let narrative overtake the poem. You have a very enlightened spirit, I can see that.

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the poem a lot. A song by "Samantha Fox" Dead flowers. Been my muse for many songs. I won't give dead flowers to anyone. I had a California friend once told me. She requested plant that could be re-planted.
"When I became a stranger in the house,
I hoped we could meet again"
The above lines. I do understand. It is hard to become a ghost in your home. Thank you Beren for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Beren Ongur]

WHAAAT?? sir thank you so much for visiting, You have no idea how honored I am by your visit! And when I saw you reading my poems, I suddenly said, "Damn, I need to improve my writing, these are so childish." i am kinda embarrassed, but GRATEFUL! THANK YOU!

[Coyote Poetry]

They are not childish. They are heartfelt and so good. You are welcome dear poet.

[Martiya Daman]

Your poem is about someone feeling lonely and unnoticed by the person they care about. They remember all the special moments they shared, but now those things don't matter anymore. It’s like they’ve been forgotten, and they decide to leave because they don’t feel important anymore. It’s really sad, Beren. No one should be treated like this. :(

[Beren Ongur]

you commented on this poem at such a time, first of all thank you for reminding me again.
yes you are very right.
so I will ask you this; please do not let anyone in your life make you feel worthless, you deserve to be seen, heard, listened to and you are valuable just by your existence. you do not need to do anything else. first be good to yourself and then to other people. but being good does not mean saying yes to everything.

thank you very much for reading and I am grateful for taking the time to comment. I hope no one ever makes you feel like this.
i am always here to listen you! take care dear

[Martiya Daman]

My pleasure Beren!

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

this was a very emotional and nearly clinical dissection of a time in your life. reading this, i felt like i was living your life for a second. it was vivid and raw.

[Beren Ongur]

please don't live my life. you wouldn't like this, you deserve much better!!! but i am glad if i made you feel that pain with my words, wish it wasn't sad tho but i guess win is a win?
hope you have a great year, sir! your comments always make me so happy

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

i think it's important to feel the full spectrum of emotion. to try to bury certain feelings is like running away from the truth. it's futile for one, and it is detrimental. in the safe space of poetry, we get to explore things that are dreadful. and it is also a chance to appreciate that which we lived, even if life was very hard.
so it was a pleasure to read this again. and thank you for sharing it.

[Neville]

No one should feel a stranger in their own house .. but a lot do .. I personally think you have achieved something pretty darned good here .. and I hope you reflect back on your own ink and can see what I mean and feel it .. if not immediately, in time and I shall keep my fingers crossed .. neville

[Beren Ongur]

I left that house. No one should feel like a burden to anyone. That house was demolished and I saw that the real view was behind that house, that house was ruining the view. I'm better now. Sometimes a person should step back and look at themselves.
thank you for reading and paying attention to comment.

[Neville]

that's good to hear .. but truly my pleasure ..

[Cherrie]

Very good work:
Poetry is a journey on all sides. With every word paved you create a pathway.
Expression of facts is a historian but the painting of emotions is that of a poet.
Dear poet keep writing and we will keep reading. 👌

[Beren Ongur]

Thank you very much. A very sweet and sincere comment. I am grateful. have a great week! take care!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This was a great write; the scope of the writing settling on separation and the feelings being revealed by the writer. It's like a short story in poetic form, a prose poem. I enjoyed. P.S. Don't be concerned by the pompous jackass in your reviews who thinks he knows it all. I've read his work and it mostly sucks. (laughing) Those who can do, DO. Those who can't do, strive in pretense to teach others. Anything to swell their overcompensating egos. That's been my observation. Cheers and Merry Christmas!

[Beren Ongur]

ah thank you so much! i really like your work sir, so i am so glad that you made a review on my write!
take care!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I just added a few more words of encouragement after reading the other reviews. I can't believe some of the pompous jerks on this site.

[Beren Ongur]

Thank you for your attention to this. I chose not to say anything about that issue, it is not very important. But I value your thoughts and I take my time for it. Thank you again for your time.

[keith]

this is your write not another's
there are NO RULES! write as you will.
their suggestions are theirs
to make change that suits them is to allow another to take ownership of your voice

most here write for audience
few write for all their worth
never let anyone dictate their rules to become yours
quite frankly ... most of their offerings are cookie cutter KRAP!

i for one find this offering too honest for most
their critique is just another excuse to bully
fuk'em if they can't take your writes for what they truly are ... YOUR'S!

i like this!

[Beren Ongur]

I understand what you mean. Thank you, many people warned me about this. I continue to write what I want. I am glad you liked it and that you wrote because you care about this situation.no worries. have a great evening!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I was bemused by the self-deprication and sarcasm in this write.
I think many can relate to this experience even if it does belong to the speaker in this case.
In poetry we share feelings....you don't have to make the reader do anything....you put it out there and let it happen or not happen...I would suggest a stronger proofing...stumbling over edits takes some of the impact away.
j.

[Beren Ongur]

Thank you for your time sir

[JayG]

I mean no insult, but in this, and pretty much all your work, this is you Listing all the injustices you feel are heaped on you. But did you come here hoping for a list of what makes me unhappy? No. Nor does anyone. People come to poetry to be entertained. They want the poet to make THEM care and feel, not learn of your woes via a letter from someone they know nothing about, to someone not introduced, talking about things for which you provide no context..

Something like this is great for helping you understand your life. But for the stranger, who knows nothing of you, your background, or your current life, it's just another Dismal Damsel poem.

My point? Make your emotions work for you. Don't tell the reader that you cried. Give THEM a reason to weep. As E. L. Doctorow so wisely put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

Dig into the skills of the poet. They've been making mistakes and finding fixes for centuries. So, make use of that. Follow Wilson Mizner's advice: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.”

At the moment, your approach is the one we learn in school, fact-based and author-centric. Great for writing reports, letters, and other nonfiction we need on the job. But nonfiction can only inform.

Poetry and fiction, on the other hand, with an emotional goal, is primarily emotion-cased and character-centric. So it pays to acquire those skills.

Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook, is an excellent introduction to the skills you need, and you can read or download it at the site linked to below. So try a few chapters for fit.

https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

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“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

“All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.”
--Bobby Knight