dead flowers

When the petals of the flowers in my heart fell and you thought it was a seasonal thing
I said they might need help
The flowers are dead now

I thought you were busy when I stopped playing guitar and you didn't notice
When you don't wait for me to sleep and doze off
I learned that you can sleep without hugging me

You jumped over a full suitcase in the middle of the room
The suitcase we took with us when we went to Istanbul
I never thought that one day I would fill it alone

Which t-shirts should I put in?
You bought this when we first started dating
I had this on when we first made love
This is the skirt that the shopkeepers tricked us into buying with nice words during our holiday
I wore this dress when I met your mother
she liked it

When I felt nauseous, you said the food might spoiled.
I hadn't eat anything that day
When I said I was dizzy, you said it would be better if i sleep
I wasn't get out of bed

When I became a stranger in the house,
I hoped we could meet again
Now I think If my roommate, whom I haven't met yet, got sick, I would take care of him.
I know you won't notice I'm gone
I left the stuffs too
I put the only excess in that house in front of the door
I'm stepping out

Reviews

[Abhilash Hegde]

Poetry is expression and you put it all out here. Life, love and heartbreaks. The hardest to come to terms with and but life it is. You did so well here to bring out the feelings and emotions from the depths of your heart. Dead flowers may be, one day it will bloom again! Thanks for sharing, berenongur.

[berenongur]

Some flowers are not suitable for some soils. Some flowers do not like sunlight. I am sunlight and I cannot find myself in the winter. Maybe some flowers should not bloom. Thank you, I am glad you liked it, your ideas and feedback are always important.

[Abhilash Hegde]

Glad to hear your thoughts too. thanks for sharing, have a beautiful day and week ahead.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I was bemused by the self-deprication and sarcasm in this write.
I think many can relate to this experience even if it does belong to the speaker in this case.
In poetry we share feelings....you don't have to make the reader do anything....you put it out there and let it happen or not happen...I would suggest a stronger proofing...stumbling over edits takes some of the impact away.
j.

[berenongur]

Thank you for your time sir

[JayG]

I mean no insult, but in this, and pretty much all your work, this is you Listing all the injustices you feel are heaped on you. But did you come here hoping for a list of what makes me unhappy? No. Nor does anyone. People come to poetry to be entertained. They want the poet to make THEM care and feel, not learn of your woes via a letter from someone they know nothing about, to someone not introduced, talking about things for which you provide no context..

Something like this is great for helping you understand your life. But for the stranger, who knows nothing of you, your background, or your current life, it's just another Dismal Damsel poem.

My point? Make your emotions work for you. Don't tell the reader that you cried. Give THEM a reason to weep. As E. L. Doctorow so wisely put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

Dig into the skills of the poet. They've been making mistakes and finding fixes for centuries. So, make use of that. Follow Wilson Mizner's advice: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.”

At the moment, your approach is the one we learn in school, fact-based and author-centric. Great for writing reports, letters, and other nonfiction we need on the job. But nonfiction can only inform.

Poetry and fiction, on the other hand, with an emotional goal, is primarily emotion-cased and character-centric. So it pays to acquire those skills.

Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook, is an excellent introduction to the skills you need, and you can read or download it at the site linked to below. So try a few chapters for fit.

https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

-----
“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

“All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.”
--Bobby Knight

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
I felt the raw pain expressed in your words.
This is a sad story that many suffer throughout their lives.
I think this would be fantastic in a poetic form…
But this is just me talking and it is after all this is your poem.
I did enjoy it,
Lisa

[berenongur]

Hello m'am, I wanted to read all your other reviews before writing a comment, as you noticed I write more in a storytelling style and in fact there are often connections between my poems (stories). I am very happy that you liked my use of metaphors, this is also due to storytelling.
The reason I don't write in poetry form is have you ever heard the saying "some feelings are too deep to be spoken" poetry is an expression of feelings and to tell the truth sometimes I feel like I wont be able to breathe by the writings I write. I am only 18 years old and I don't feel like I can handle experiencing some feelings, but when I write in story form it seems like it can be solved by looking at it more logically and superficially from the outside. There is no point in being overwhelmed by feelings, this poem was one of the most difficult I have ever written and when I feel that loneliness at a level that will tear my heart out, I try to focus on the outside world (the setting of the story).

With your comment, I realized that I am avoiding feeling my feelings deeply, I am not sure if it is a good thing yet. I guess time will teach.

thank you so much for paying attention

[Arundass TP]

Beautiful contemporary poem. There is a flow of images in it. Good work

[berenongur]

ah thank you so much, i am greatfull you liked it

[Arundass TP]

Welcome friend

[Marie]

As time progresses, we find that the relationship we thought would last forever was not meant to last forever. I admire your strength in leaving. Sadly, flowers like people have their season and the end of it they expire. They may bloom again, another time, another year, but there is no guarantee. Love and loss are part of life and we need to be careful whom we give our heart and our love to. Not everybody who says "I love you!" means it, sadly. If they did, they would show it through the care they gave us when we needed them most. Respect and admiration for walking away and I pray that you find real, pure, true, genuine love on your journey. Admiration also for the wonderful poem you have penned and how you expressed your feelings so poetically. Well done, dear poetess! Be proud of you Thank you for sharing...

[berenongur]

You can't stay in a place that is not suitable for your season. This has nothing to do with power, you have already been pushed out of the house. Your words are very beautiful Marie, thank you very much. You have no idea how much these little gratitudes of mine mean

[Marie]

Most welcome always, dear poetess....

[Samuel Dickens]

Too often, the sheen wears off of things. A brass cup, we can polish. Relationships aren't so easy, and may not be worth the effort. Love and losing love promotes more written word than probably any other event in life. Clearly, a lot of cupids aren't good at their jobs. Your words are sad but true to life.

[berenongur]

a lot of cupids aren't good at their jobs. :( ahh hurt.
thank you so much for paying attention sir. have the best day