Unbreakable

We follow this pattern,
This unbreakable structure,
Hoping to one day be set free.

Like ants we travel,
On this long, never ending journey,
To something we lost long ago.

...But fail to realize.

Watching the bright white lights,
Watching the bright red lights,
Moving towards what is killing us inside.

Few of us wander,
Imagine, or dream,
Stand out from the others,
Be different,
And instead watch the sky.

We never know how much,
just how much,
watching the stars can teach us.
To help us understand,
That life shouldn't be,
So God damn useless.

With a world so large,
lying just above us,
how can we possibly think otherwise?

But again,
Like ants,
As we look away from the sky, the answer,
We travel on this long, never ending journey,
awaiting the days end as soon as it begins.

We follow this pattern
This unbreakable structure...

Reviews

[Brenden Taylor]

Nicely done. I like the imagery combination you present - that is, the ants and the traffic - but I feel like they were short-changed and could have been utilized a little more (maybe to more fully explain "what is killing us inside").

I also agree that the repetition at the end made for a powerful and appropriate conclusion.

90, and I expect more.

[Alisha Allen]

I really didn't expect to write this poem, in fact I was just sitting on my computer reading other poems and I decided to write one of my own of the first thing that popped in my head.

I'm new to this review stuff so what does 90 mean?

Thank you so much for your review!

[Brenden Taylor]

We have the option to rate pieces from 0 to 100, and 90 is my rating. Just look under the bottom left corner of the comment box (where people type their comments), and you'll see another box that says, "Rating {___}/100." And writers can see the averaged ratings their work receives under the "Stats" sidebar at the top. Hope that helps.

[joshua sky]

It's been said that a rut is a grave with the ends kicked out. The grave. The most unbreakable structure. Well done. I like how you brought it full circle in the last stanza. I like poems that end this way.

Many thanks for your submission. :)

[Alisha Allen]

Thank you! I appreciate this very much. I'm new to writerscafe.org so it's nice to have such a nice welcoming! :)