giving what's given

I didn’t mean to ruin everything for you. I didn’t want to make you cry. But they say that you can only put out what’s given so I want to give out love and only love, every so often the uncaring selfish neglect comes out and punctures everyone in sight until I shove it back inside and stick it to the back side of my sternum. I hate to open my mouth when all that whips out is a black, thick sludge that sucks out all the light in a room and wraps everyone up in confusion and a sad cold that won’t shake away with the shivers.