The s**t you put me through

Frustrations, why do I put myself through this?

I don't understand what I put myself through
Because what my heart and mind want 
Is simply not leading me right
My logic knows.
That maybe I'm not doing this right
But I can't change the things I feel
For even with all the s**t I've been though with you 
I return over and over again.
Now we made things serious after a year of getting to know
And I'm wondering how serious this is to go
You do little things and I admire it so.
We agreed to an open relationship
So I guess this is how it goes
1 Bella 9 Micah
Was it meant to be like this?
Or am I just being destructive to myself
I like the freedom for me in it
But why such a fast body count
In just a matter of 3 weeks.
We talk about each time 
But now theirs a pattern I just can't deny
I see it 
I feel it
It's something you can't hide
My ordeal was not to be on you
But to work with you till we could be something more serious
But I seem to be fooling myself 
The s**t you make me feel
When you forget who you made 1 
But on top it of all forgetting the position we got ourselves in 
Minimal consideration
To the things I feel 
But New York you do nothing for me but have minimal amazing people
The work sucks 
It's too cold
Miami you smell closer each day.