Hate Inevitable Fate

this is basically the first poem i wrote that got me hooked on poetry so i hope everyone likes it. It is about a boy whom i knew very well who is now dead because of violence in this world. So read and i hope you enjoy it.

Hate INEVITABLE Fate 

My heart it aches forever more
Because you left me behind to let your spirit soar.
You know I will miss you day and night
Oh, how i wish i could have been there to stop that fight.
Your fate i now see was in God's hands 
Why he took you I understand.
No more suffering and no more pain
For you lay there in your grave.
I never regret spending my time with you, 
How i wish I could have knew. 
I forgive the person for their horrible choice,
But now I must use my voice, 
To tell everyone the dangers of violence and hope they understand 
That some no big deal fight and get out of hand.
So this is my story and I hope someone will listen.
Just be careful not to say something you'll regret, 
Because most likely the person will not forget 
So take a stand against what I state 
Because for someone...It may be too late. 


Dedicated to my loving friend 
James Schneider

Author's Note

tell me what you think and don't be afraid to give feed back. I can take it

Reviews

[Jeff Bresee]

Try to say the same with less words. Also, the meter (syllable count) needs to be balanced out between the line pairs. I love the feel and the message of this, and as always...just my opinion.

You might also try staggering the rhymes:

My heart it aches forever more
Because I'm left behind
To watch your spirit skyward soar
With nightmares in my mind

.....go on to tell the tale from there

[Caydie Hall]

lovely title. it is unclear to me whether this was fate or the choice of some type of violence by an outside party

[Jo]

I like this. Good flow and very deep. There's nothing I would change.

[twilight-dreamer-24/7]

i really do love this poem best of all it really shows how much gang violence can kill an innicent bystander who was trying to save someones life. give me a comment back and tell me what you think.