Meditation on Le Guin’s Left Hand of Darkness

I took a walk down a street

In a sexless world.

Genderless nineteenth century

Flaneur pedigree masses 

Parading hormone scraped social facades.

 

Hemophroditic

Dimly moon lit

Gazes

Twist into frightening contortions

Of Milton’s innocent paradise.

 

My cultivated she-form body armor

Falls to my side,

And no chivalrous street walker

Offers to pick her up.

 

Appalled by the absence

Of subtle gender communications,

Of overt sex scented shameless

Body gestures and ego validity,

I am left with the most frightening

Form of worthless liberation. 

Reviews

[.....]

You certainly are wordy. I mean don't get me wrong, I love your verbiage and the vocabulary. But too many adjectives. Pick one for each noun, one that's going to give the most impact and that's all you need. The point of your poem gets lost in all of the words you throw at the reader. Edit your words, be economic in your word choices, choose words based on maximum effect but make them sparingly. Every word counts. I would suggest an exercise in brevity. Set yourself a word count. Say a complete poem in 30 words. That will help you cut your wordiness back and make you think about each word you choose. Also, again this is a personal preference, but the use of capitalizing every line is grammatically incorrect and it causes issue with flow.

I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

Blessings, Tammy

[Dayran]

You write very clearly on issues many people would have trouble expressing. Its a very narrow line. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff. Nice!

[Chris]

I read that one so very long ago. I guess I outgrew it. Strange how that happens.

Seems we are prisoners of our own attempt at following the styles we know... Beginning lines with Caps. Old formalities that have their place but the kids changed the times. I understand Tammy's comment to you and most probably the why of it as well. She will help make you a better and more effective writer... but the poet - to me - is the person within. You have to strike a personal balance - your thoughts to your reader's comfort.

[victoria]

appalled by the absence of subtle gender communications...gem line