Dear, Computer screen

What have I found today? I found that even when I think I am lost, I am found. I tried to limit my connection to others and cut myself off from the world. I wake up and write. I go to sleep and write. I read and read and read in search of a story that was much better than my own. I fantasized of something I considered perfect. I was in search of something that would remind me of the hope I used to have...until I broke. 

I never let anyone know what I was doing anymore. It was always "I've been busy" or "eh---nothing much". It was useless to talk and talk when no one heard me. With all the words in my head, my mind was clogged. I did not know how to let anything out without causing an overflow of words I would soon regret. I have written a couple of letters to my family who is thousands of miles away. Still, I never sent them. Why? I don't know. I guess the letters never seemed full of meaning. All I wrote about was of me, me, me.

 Mother, I'm struggling. Mother, I'm in pain. Mother, help me, please. I never stopped to think how worried she must have been knowing I cried myself to sleep just as I had done before. I used the excuse that everyone uses to run away from their biggest fear.  "It is for the best." This simple phrase can be so right yet so wrong. Still, it was a motto I was living by for the past 9 months. The reason why I feel confident that my life will get better is that she believed in me. No matter how many times I let her down, she loved and encouraged me. Call me cliche but her love really does life me up when I am weak. 

No matter how long or how far we are from one another, I believe Her love is like a storm within my heart no matter where we are in the world.