To Run

Unable to hold my breath any longer

The pages of my life

Brimming with hastily corrected mistakes

Ripped out

Torn apart and

Burnt

Parents screaming by the open door

I run.

Half naked

Undecided

Satan watches enthusiastically from above

I run.

And breath is a story in itself

The rasping of my lungs

Accompanied by a faint and contradictory

Birdsong 

Made dark and melancholy by

The constant ticking of

Time and

I run.

Who am I

But a mere creation of

She who left me

He who cut me

Those who

Saw me as the transparent

Glass that I

Convinced myself

I wasn’t

I run.

Towards

Dead ends

Where all the commas pause in

Apprehension for

A period.

Where all hell patiently loiters

For the justified presence

Of bliss.

Arrived at

The ledge.

Sweat glistening

Lungs straining

Muscles aching

Tensing

I

 

turn back. 

Reviews

[ElizabethRaine]

First of all, the impact that this has at the end is so heartbreaking but euphoric at the same time. During it, as the reader, I am hoping for the build up to lead to something but when he is at the ledge, about to jump, I'm afraid he will and all I want is him to turn back, when he does, it makes me happy.

I love the little lines like this:
"Who am I
But a mere creation of
She who left me
He who cut me
Those who
Saw me as the transparent
Glass that I
Convinced myself
I wasn’t"

and

"I run.
Towards
Dead ends
Where all the commas pause in
Apprehension for
A period."

And

"And breath is a story in itself
The rasping of my lungs
Accompanied by a faint and contradictory
Birdsong
Made dark and melancholy by
The constant ticking of
Time and"

You really have a way with words and keeping the reader on their toes with poetry like this.
Well done.

[Eddie Gao]

Thank you Elizabeth! It's great to have some feedback.

[Eddie Gao]

Please leave critique - a specimen of my take on a more contemporary and darker style.

[Annie N.]

The Race by Sharon Olds. The Race by Sharon Olds. This is the highest form of compliment. Well-inspired!

[Eddie Gao]

So helpful and constructive Annie it's beyond me
...and NO!!! haha totally not inspired by The Race :P....

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Deep, profound, and through and through excellent. Good job indeed, it's both inspiring and thought-provoking.

[Eddie Gao]

Thanks! Good to know what you thought of it.

[SaRuGi]

Such an amazing poem Eddie :) ~∩_∩~