Mordred

Mordred tells of his death from "beyond the beyond".

     

Legend has preserved me

And time has held my name.

Treachery in black armor

Heroic kingdom’s bane.

Darkened heart and darkened brow

My hands from death are stained.

But stay and listen closely

For truth begins to wane.

 

The dark in all is born again

In jealous anger’s rage.

And power beckons to the man

That forces wars to wage.

Across the stage of history’s face

Across the book’s blank page,

The story of Morgause’s son

Will march from age to age.

 

The Queen and secret lover fair

Would for their deeds defray

And seal the fate of Uther’s son

And kingdom’s threads would fray.

I waited then, beside the trees

As wind blew through the day

Waiting for the king to come

Whom fate had now betrayed.

 

As anger spread through love corrupt

The armies stood with bated breath

The need we have for hatreds cause

Would leave us all in empty death!

 

We charged with weapons held aloft

The armies clashed; the dead souls cried

And hardened men fell where they fought

The valiant knights who lived and died.

 

At last there only two remained

I in black, and he in white

And brightness would not cleanse my soul

Nor darkness kill the king's great light

We danced the battle dance with skill

Evading slash and sword’s sharp bite

But always dark betrays its own

And I was felled to last respite.

 

Yet while I lay in bleeding death

I struck at him with final force

To deliver death’s last kiss of pain

To rid the earth of Mordred’s source

He staggered back with dying breath

And looked at me with great remorse.

The blood flow slowed from open wound

And I departed from my course.

 

My tale ends though it goes on

Immortalized I live in lore

Betrayer of the kingdom’s peace

And may I be forevermore.

Blackness cloaks the name and brow

Of Arthur’s greatest foe abhorred.

Yet what I did were things of man

And that I did in times of yore.

 

Woe and hatred follow me

And death lies close behind

Yet never was there a sadder tale,

A bleaker one than mine

Reviews

[once upon a time]

Very well written. I like the story that is being told.

[Becca Bishop]

Thanks very much for the review and thanks for taking the time to read :D :D :D

[Green]

Narrative poetry, I love it and you did it so well. The rhyming kind of fell apart in a couple places but mostly the story flowed pretty well.

[Becca Bishop]

Thanks for the review!!! :D :D :D Can you tell me what places the rhyming sucked and any ideas you have to fix it??? I need all the help I can get :P Thanks again!!!!

[Green]

Ok, I would like to correct myself. It is actually not the rhyming that was off, it was the rhythm. The rhyming was actually very good.
"As anger spread through love corrupt
The armies stood with bated breath
The need we have for hatreds cause
Would leave us all in empty death!"
and
We charged with weapons held aloft
The armies clashed; the dead souls cried"
Those were the two places I noticed when reading through it. Not really sure what to suggest. I've always been bad at editing poems that weren't my own because I don't have the idea in my head of how I want it to go and sound.
Is that helpful?

[Becca Bishop]

Yeah, I know what you mean there. I'm going to tell you a secret...are you ready? Are you ready? Ok, here goes:

I ran out of rhymes and that's why those places don't match with the other rhyming schemes :P Ok, you can stop laughing now. IT IS TOO POSSIBLE TO RUN OUT OF RHYMES!!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!! When my mom mentioned the same places to me I got high and mighty on her and told her that YES they were supposed to be like that and that she shouldn't criticize writing when she didn't know the first thing about it (she's a nurse). She made me fix dinner. Yay tacos!!!!!

[Green]

I totally understand. It's why I try to stay away from rhyming even though I usually end up doing it.

[Shubham's View]

This is amazingly serious and different from your usual work. As usual you've got rave reviews without much left for me to say. :P

[Becca Bishop]

;D What do you mean when you say that being serious is different for me? I'm serious all the time!!!! And you, my friend, still owe me a rutabaga farm. And three head of cattle. And a muffin.

[Cryingkate]

Sorry for the honesty , But" PLEASE REWRITE THE WHOLE THING"
This poetic Story needs a complete overhaul.
Please change all the great flow and wonderful educating ,captivating story and please destroy this..
BECAUSE..... It is TOO GOOD :-) A + This is the Kind of stuff I have in my private files for my project. If you have lots more I am in serious trouble :-)
Awesome !

WOW AWESOME !

[Becca Bishop]

Wow, great job!!! You just gave me a heart attack!!!! Give me a minute, give me a minutes....ok, whew! I think I'm better. DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!!! GAH!!!!
:P Thanks for the review (but not the near death experience) :D :D :D

[Cryingkate]

LMBO :-)

[marie]

Great job it really captured my attention till the end :)

[Becca Bishop]

Thanks for your review :) I'm a naturally boring person so I guess it kind've ended up in the poem :P Ah, well.

[marie]

lol :)

[Tarry Franck]

Wow - You did an amazing job. Couldn't turn my eyes away. Exquisite!!!!

[Becca Bishop]

Thank you!

[DrD]

A saga in rhyme, novel, original and incredibly interesting. Extremely well crafted and presenting a maturity far beyond your years. Impressive and a marvelous read.

[Becca Bishop]

Thanks :) I'm glad you didn't find it as bad as I did when I read it for the first time. And, yes, I'm feeling pretty mature right now as I sit here painting flowers on my toenails and playing go fish with my little brother. That's about as mature as it gets ;P

[DrD]

Don't cheat this time . . . .

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing story in the poem. I like poem of life, war and celebration. Had it all in this poem. The poem was written with skill. Your story held me to the last word and I wanted more. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Becca Bishop]

:D Thank you! It's weird to be complimented by such an accomplished and sophisticated writer!!!! Thanks for the review :D :D :D :D

[J. Write]

Glorious! I almost stood up to perform a monologue. Brilliant flow, brilliant descriptions and that hint of mystery within it that pulled my eyes to read more and more till the end, Amazing. I love this, and thank you for sharing.

[Becca Bishop]

Monologue away!!! Thanks for your brilliant review (hehe see what I did there?? Hmm??? Hmm ;D ok never mind). Thank you again for reading and reviewing :D :D :D :D :D

[Erinne S.]

Wow this was so well done! What a great way to tell a story... you did it so beautifully! The flow was great, the words you chose just fit perfectly.
"Then I departed from the world
Then I departed from my course." These two lines right next to each other didn't seem quite right to me. I think it is because you used the same four words to start off both lines. Other than this your poem was great and I really enjoyed it!

~Erinne

[Becca Bishop]

Thank you!!! You know, I didn't really like those lines either, but I'm an "ILP" Incredibly Lazy Person :P I'm going to fix them right away. Thank you again!!! :D :D :D :D