Determined!

About how i am much more determined to build good relationship with friends.

Being invisible in the eyes of others is very hard.  You just feel that you don’t fit in.  Yeah, I know that this may sound over-reacting to say the phrase “I don’t belong” because you just often hear that in movies where the lead role feels frustrated about his or her life.  But yes, it is true that it is what I feel and that’s final! No judging allowed.  Anyway, I have this short information that I want to share with you.  I hope you’ll understand it even if you don’t like it because it’s not likable. J

        Upon stepping on 7^th grade, I really thought and imagined that it’s going to be different.  I thought that everything that I have experienced during my elementary grades would turn into great happiness once I would enter high school. But I was wrong.  Almost every happening in high school is just the same as in elementary; my horrible teachers (not all), classmates, and even my daily routine.  They’re all just the same.  From then on, I have come up in my mind a very bad outlook in life.  I thought that I would never have lots of friends, that no one would ever like me, that no one would ever trust and believe in me and that I would never amount to anything.  Yes, I did have some friends.  But when I look at others around me, I can say “Whoa! They have bunch of friends.”  Every time I see them having so much fun and laughter in their faces, I admit that I often become jealous.  I can’t see why I have my own friends but it just feels like it isn’t just enough.  It feels like my own friends despise me but they just have to go with the flow with me because they have to, because maybe they’re scared of me.  They’re scared of me because I have this rare attitude in me that a girl in a “catholic school” would never possess.  I can be monstrous sometimes, but only to the point when I see something or someone being wrong about a certain issue.  I can also release that kind of attitude to the point when I can’t have control of my temper when someone angers me.  That could be the reason why no one would ever want to make friends with me.  But that doesn't mean that it is the only attitude I have, I can be a friend too.  If they only just knew about my cruel past back at elementary, they’d understand how I feel.  If they only just knew about a girl being bullied by her classmates and is being pressured and pressed by foot by her teachers, they’d understand.  But still, I understand them.  Anyway, it’s not their fault, because they didn'teven know a single bit about me.  With that, I had nothing else to do but just to sit in the corner and watch everyone having a great time with each other.  When I got in into social networking, I felt interested but it did not satisfy me.  Who would ever be satisfied in having friends in Facebook but can’t even make friends in personal? I really did not know how to change myself.  Well, of course it would be really awkward to just directly change from the monstrous me to an innocent-looking girl, duh? So, anyways, I do not even want to be an innocent-looking girl, because that is just totally not me.  Yes, I can truly be monstrous sometimes when I am pissed but aside of that I can definitely be a very good friend. So I thought maybe I don’t have to be such a hypocrite.  Maybe I don’t really have to pity myself to have friends.  I thought that if only I could have just been more friendly and approachable enough, then I can have tons of friends. With that idea, I was right!

        I have to say, “Wow!”  My second year in high school is finally over.  Well, it wasn't that bad, but yes, I can’t deny the fact that there were really some difficulties and trials.  But, lucky me I was able to surmount those challenges.  Oh, and guess what; I miraculously made lots of friends.  Wow. Isn’t that amazing?  I have made new and fantastic group of friends.  They’re also very supportive.  Some of them help me in my problems, they patiently listen to some of my nonsense stories, and they even hang out with me even though I would act weirdly in front of them.  That’s what I have been wanting for in my whole life.  I have always wanted them to accept me for who I am and for how I handle myself as me.  It feels so great to have them and I am very thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to be noticed by the people surrounding me as the real me.  God does know how long I have been waiting for this moment to come and it has finally arrived.  Well, the number of friends I have right now are not exactly what I desired to have, but having supportive, caring, and loving friends for the first time is more than enough.   I just really hope that the friendships that I have newly made with them will last longer and stronger. 

Author's Note

Hope you like it. :)