Goodbye

“Let’s try.”

That two little words was all it takes for them to begin their journey together. She’s unsure of her choice, but there is no harm in trying right? That was what she thought but what happened after that was not what she thought would happen at all.

Things were all good when they got together for the first month. Both of them working hard to achieve their aim while never neglecting the other. The day for them to know if their hard work paid off has arrived. She was taken aback with hers, while him? His parents reprimanded him well that’s what he told her and he suggested that they should break up. They need to be apart so that they could focus better and he does not want to disappoint and wants to respect his parents. Without a second thought she agreed to his choice and they took that break from each other. She felt that nothing was wrong and it was weird that she did not ache from that decision.

 

* * * * *

 

“Let’s just continue being with each other as if nothing happened.”

His words drove her mad into confusion. She tortured herself mentally day in, day out. Trying to figure out what does he want, what are his intentions, why was he suddenly being cold to her then all of a sudden he was back to how he was again when they first started together. Her heart aches thinking about him and she became miserable and started to take it out upon others. Her friends had enough of it and confronted her that she is being too much and her way of handling her current situation is taking a toll on everyone. They told her that she should talk it out with the guy about what is bothering her and clear her confusion up.

After days of mustering up her courage she called him to sort things out. The funny thing happened, he said he never thought of them ever breaking up that whole time. She was so relieved about that and she told that guy what she went through that whole time being so upset that they broke up and so confused when he said to just continue as if nothing ever happened.

Things continued as usual but this time around they gave each other more space and time to work for their own goals and to not disappoint his parents yet again. They rarely meet up as he was always busy. When he finally made plans to go out on a date together she was thrilled.

The day for their date is tomorrow, so she went to reconfirm with him on the time for them to head out together. He then told her that he was sorry because he agreed to attend to his friend’s sister’s wedding dinner. She was devastated but she decides to distract herself by taking up the offer her guy friends to go cycling.

After that incident she looked for another opportunity to spend some time with him. After several failed attempt, they finally got to meet up. After being apart from him for such a long time and the pressure from her friends that they should be more intimate, she took the initiative to be intimate with him. That night was different then the others, it was a huge leap for them and that was also the night when she gave her first kiss away.

 

* * * * *

 

“Let’s break up.”

He felt guilty that he went against his parents wishes. Felt guilty towards her and he was also afraid that he would want more next time. As it was before she respected his choice as she does not want to see him being miserable, she agreed to break up. That was the second time she felt her heart ache and it was also the second time she allowed the same guy to break her twice.

 

* * * * *

 

“Let’s get back together.”

The next day he came back to her. Telling her that he regretted that he wanted to break up. He wanted them to happen again. Her friends told her to give him time to think it through as his decision now is just a rash decision. And so she gave him a week. Before that week even end they both came to a conclusion and mutually agreed to go on with the break up and stay as friends.

 

* * * * *

 

“He made moves on others while you guys were together.”

She was stuck in between moving on and still retaining hope that they would still happen. Just when she had decide to move on, her friend break the news to her that he actually made moves on others trying out to see if anything would happen between them. He was hoping that it would help to speed up and harden her resolve to move on. What he did helped out a lot. She finally stepped out of that abyss and deleted their texts. Cleared up all those thoughts that confused and clouded her mood. She freed herself from that toxic relationship and continue her journey of loving herself dearly. Never again to blame herself for their break up. She is coming to terms with herself that she deserves better that what she gave herself credits for. There would be others out there that would appreciate her and love her wholly just the way she deserves to be loved.

 

   * * * * *

 

“Goodbye.”

No more self punishing for the things she could not have prevented. She came to terms that somethings are not for her to control. She broke free of the prison that she created for herself and slowly open up to others once more.

 

* * * * *

 

What awaits her in the next chapter of her life? That next page that is waiting to be written. Well it is nothing to worry of as she vow to live life to the fullest and life continues with more spontaneous decisions and adventures.