It's time to put the bottle down

This is a vulnerable piece about the struggles of addiction and the stories we tell ourselves while struggling with alcohol. or at least the stories I tell myself. I hope someone feels seen and heard.

 I take a sip

it calms my mind

i take another

i lose some time

i take some more

and lose control

of time, space and actions

i become free

from the constant overthinking

social interactions don’t become so draining

but then i lose myself

in the siren call

of too many shots of alcohol

i lose my mind

from to many refilled glasses of wine

and I'm beginning to lose some friends

because i can’t control my reactions

i become a clumsy, drunken fool

who spews out all of her feelings

despite of who it hurts

the one it hurts the most is me

it’s time to put the bottles down

but it's so hard when the liquid

turns my sadness into sunshine

and my anxious words into a happy mind

how do i become normal without some liquid courage

how do i become loved without becoming a burden

because I’ve tried all the natural ways

with grounding barefoot walks

late night deep talks

but my soul still feels this deep sense of loneliness

of not quite belonging

and the saddest part is the longing

of wanting to be worthy

so i take one little sip

just one more drink

and then I’ll put it down

i wont become my father

and i promise i won’t drown

in the sorrows of whispered stories

and continuous let downs

as soon as this one is gone

I’ll pick myself up off the ground

and start to love myself again

Author's Note

If anyone has similar struggles, please know you aren't alone and loved and needed in this world. You shine differently than anyone else and the world needs your light.

So much Love to you all.