Do you think of me?

Friendship breakups suck

 Sometimes i wonder

do you miss me

like i miss you?

Do you think of me

as i do with you

is there some distant memory

that lingers within

is there a certain scent

that sparks joy within

when you think of me

is it with disdain

do you think fondly of the time

we shared

two dreamers navigating

scared in a world so big

for two wandering souls

do you hate me

when you think of how we ended?

Do you grieve me

even though im still living

because i do with you

i find myself missing

your hand in mine

the smell of your shampoo

just to unwind

in the presence of you

you used to be my safe place

now your an abandoned house

i haven’t visited in years

I hope your doing well

that life has humbled you to some degree

that your tears aren’t shed for nothing

that you haven’t been used like you used me

that someone hasn’t discarded you as you did with me

that you haven’t been left like you left me

im dying to know

do you think of me?

Reviews

[JayG]

One of the problems with writing poetry with the approach you use, here, is that the words call up memories and reactions based on events in YOUR life. But they're events that the reader knows nothing about. And think about how that pre-knowledge effected the act of writing, and reading:

1. As you write, you're reacting to events that only you have context for. So the result is the presentation of effect without cause. How can that be meaningful to a reader who has been given no context to make the words meaningful to THEM? To the reader, someone of unknown gender and situation is sad because of the result of unspecified events. So what's in it for the reader?

You say, for example, "do you hate me when you think of how we ended?" When you read this, you know what happened. From the reader's viewpoint we not only don't know what happened, we don't know the why, the how, or, who might have been at fault. So yes, the reader has data, but no context to make it meaningful.

2. Because you've not looked into the skills of poetry that have been under development for centuries, you're not making use of stanzas, the poetic equivalent of paragraphing. So, we have a dense, foreboding, block of print.

Using the report-writing skills of nonfiction that we're given in school, you're talking TO the reader, as you would when writing a report, focused on explaining and reporting — informing, when the reader expects you to involve them, emotionally. You're talking of sadness to a reader who expects you to give them reason to be sad, not learning that you are. So, given the lack of context, what's on it for the reader?

No one tells us the goal of poetry and nonfiction is to involve the reader emotionally. So, we don't. But as E. L. Doctorow puts it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” So, lacking that information, when we write, we think in terms of reporting and explaining. And because we have context and intent driving our emotion as we read our own work, it works exactly as it should.

For you, the narrator's voice is filled with the emotion that the rearder cannot know to place there. To better understand that, have your computer read the piece to you (Be warned, though, you may cry as it does 😆).

The thing is, it's not a matter of how well you write, or talent. It's that you're writing exactly as you were taught to, as do most hopeful writers, because we leave school believing that writing-is-writing, and, we have that taken care of. So, not aware that there is another approach, we don't seek one. And not seeing the problems, we'll never address them — which is why I thought you might want to know,

As Wilson Mizner wisely said, “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So, research. Grab a copy of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook from the site linked to below. As a poet, her work is exceptional. And as a teacher, her book is a gem, start to finish. Try a few chapters and I think you'll agree.

https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

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“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

[beauitifulybroken]

While I must admit, at first your comment hurt my feelings a little bit, the constructive criticism is definitely appreciated. I realize now that as the reader you are right there is a sense of it being a report rather then a poem and while it may be intimate to me the reader doesn't really see or feel the way I do. I appreciate your honesty and references, I will definitely look into those resources. Thank you!