Chapter One

I could feel the juices of blood of my heart pumping  in and out of my chest as I ran head speed around the track of my college. It was mid day as I could start to feel the heat full sweat starting to drip from my chest to my muscle toned abs. I sat to take rest at the outside bleachers while taking a drink of my blue Gatorade that I had chilled in the freezer. I was deeply parched inside myself as I continued to sit there and rest for the moments to come.

Back at the dorms I lay there looking at the ceiling while taking two puffs of my Marlboros cigarette. Without giving a care in the world if I got caught since no one was a loud to smoke in their dorms. I was addicted to the nicotine. There after I slightly began to hear light thumps at my wall from the back of my head that pressed at the concrete wall of my dorm. And suddenly erectedly the thumps became louder and louder, and faster as now I could hear voices screaming sexually.

“Aaahhhh, yes. Yes!” the woman moaned, deeply on the other side of the wall. As if this was not the first time I had rudely encountered a sexual episode of my next door dorm neighbors. I rolled my eyes with slight aggravation. “Mmmmm f**k me deeper!” she screamed again.

“Alright that’s it, I can’t take it longer.” I said to myself as I got up from my bed and walked out the door.

I decided to take a breather from the night air outside. As I decided to light another cigarette while digging for it in my pocket, I found my fingers rubbing against an ashy substance. As I was not at the realization of what it was until I lifted my hand from out of my pocket. I paused vulnerable inside myself as I was not shocked or stunned at the sight of cocaine, or coke I should say rather. I brushed it off slightly as I could smell the high taste of the drug to my nose and lips. I was becoming even more vulnerable as I found myself rushing and running to the bathroom and locking the door behind me. While looking under each stall making sure no one was there. Once I noticed that there wasn’t I quickly pulled out the rest of my coke that was deeply hidden inside of my sports shorts. I laid the rest on a long wooden surface connected to five mirrors attached to the men’s bathroom wall. While also finding a ripped up piece of paper that had been thrown away in the trashcan and I used that as a roll up. I could feel the moisture of ashy powder scoop up into the nostrils of my nose as I sniffed every bit of coke until there was no more. And I was suddenly overwhelmed with a dreary but relaxed feeling of highness that melted my body as I coughed. I was content to sitting on the bathroom floor, as my arms rested on my knees while still sniffing the bit of coke that still had plastered at my fingers. Being high was not just a drug to me it was my life.

I laid my head at my desk, as I sat I sat in my college course class. I was not in any obligation to be here, sometimes I only felt like it was a waist of my time. So why was I here?

Professor Clark had begun his lecture and with my throbbing headache I was in no way shape or form to pay close to attention or to listen to anything he had to say. His lectures were inevitable to my taste and like, other times I was here mentally and other times I wasn’t. And today was one of those days.

“Collins…” I heard my name being called allowed. But I was in no sane or daze to really mind it any attention. “Collins. Mr. Collins!” professor Clark said allowed. I was then alerted as I lifted my head from my desk. “Your head should be up, not down during my lecture.” professor Clark said to me,

“Well if your lectures weren’t so boring, I’d have a reason to stay awake in your class.” I mumbled to myself.

“I’m sorry run that by me again” he said whole holding the chalk defensively in his hand.

I shook my head.

“Nothing Mr. Clark.” I responded.

He gave me sharp jabbing look while turning back around to write more on the board. When the class was over I was relieved to finally get away. I was bargained to attend my other two college courses but I failed to do that when I found myself laid back in my dorm. Hoping to have a peaceful somewhat silent day, away from all the loud moans that came from next door. I began to put my ear buds in while soothing my brain with Tupac’s Hail Mary. As I laid my head on the pillow on my bed I closed my eyes as my mind began to drift off into memories of my painful past. I was 9 as me and my older brother Jace sat and watched tv in front of the television set. The volume became so over buried with shouting and screaming as my mother and father argued tremendously back and forth. My brother and I looked at each other as became worrisome as the shouting got louder and louder. When we had heard enough we went into the living to see what all the commotion was all about. Being that we were too young to understand what all the fuss was about, we realized that as we got older that what that argument was about was that my mother had just found out that my father had been unfaithful to her for the past six months and that he had got the other woman pregnant. My mother was deeply hurt and that she wanted him out the house and wanted a divorce. But my father refused. He kept telling her that all he wanted was her that his allies with the other woman meant nothing to him now. That yes he wanted to be a part of the baby’s life and yet that that was all he wanted from the other woman and nothing else. But my mother refused to take his word for it and that night she made him pack his bags and leave. But before he could even get down the steps of our duplex apartment he was accidently shot down by a drive by shooting that pierced him to the heart and killed him instantly. My mother came rushing out, pushing both my brother and I aside even though we still stood there looking at the horrific site of my father’s gruesome death as blood spreaded down the concrete of our steps. While my mother pleaded over his dead body, and as the tears of agony and sadness soared up in her eyes I could look at her and tell she didn’t mean single word she had said to my father. And I could since and tell that she was sorry, and that she wanted to take it back but couldn’t, and that she regretted it.

I was suddenly being awakened by my roommate Parker, while taking my ear buds out and yawned while sitting up in bed.

“What time is it?” I asked. Parker looked at me with a smirk while shaking his head, disappointed. “What?” I asked rudely while looking at him confused.

He shook his head.

“You.” he said to me with the you sounding more extravagant as he spoke it.

I looked at him more curiously.

“What about me?” I asked.

“Look at you bro, you look like s**t. I mean you haven’t been to chem or English in like four weeks. Keep that up and your college professors are going to fail you.” said Parker.

I was not in the mood for any of his captain save a hoe lectures. I could feel the anger inside me start to boil up.

“Oh so suddenly you’re my father?” I said sarcastically.

He shook his head.

“No. I wasn’t trying to be your father Jason. Just as a friend I don’t appreciate you overbearing, looking like a s****y low life that has nothing going for himself.” he explained.

“A s****y low life!?” I managed to exclaim louder.

He nodded.

“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You’re not even the same person when you first attended college. Do you even care about your reputation?” he pleaded in his voice.

“What’s it to you?” I implied to him.

He walked towards me now while standing feet away in front of me.

“Just you have so much going for yourself than being a low down dirty low life. And I know your father would have told you the same thing.” he implied positively.

I immediately grew a rage of fury and anger in the depths of my skin as I suddenly aimed a punch at Parkers face, as he fell straight backward to the floor, as a thick gush of blood rushed down his nose. I was agonized with not wanting to hear sympathy or the truth for t hat matter from Parker or from anyone. Who was he to tell me about me or my father? He knew nothing about my father, so I told my mind as I kept aimlessly going back and forth with the hatred punches of my fist towards Parker’s face. Until then I clearly looked into his eyes as blood had scattered from his nose to his face, and I had saw what I had done, a wreck I had made. As in his eyes he pleaded me to stop, while I did so and started to feel a sense of embarrassment upon myself while beginning to leave the room with shame on my heart and running rapidly outside and from the dorms. When I had ran all that I could run I stopped to catch my breath as I could feel a sense of remorse I began to sob hysterically over and over again. I couldn’t stop the feeling of feeling like a s**t whole. That his short lecture to me was true, and that my act was sanely dead. I didn’t want to own up to my wrong. But at that moment I only felt that it was right and that what I had did to Parker was far wrong gone.

As I returned to my dorm I noticed that my roommate was not on his side of the room. He was gone. I looked to see that everything was still in place on his side of the room that his belongings and bed were still there. I was suddenly under the impression that I did not or I should hope that I didn’t scare him away. While I also still noticed that his blood stained had printed on the carpet. In my mind I was sorry, that I would somehow make it up to him and apologize. Something I rarely did. I kicked off my shoes and stripped off my shirt with showing only my 8 pack hard core abs. And yet right there and then as I laid there in the pitch black dark I made it up in mind that I would start back attending my college courses that somehow maybe Parker was a little right about me.

The day I found myself attending chemistry class, even though I was late, I still managed to show my face as yet the professor suddenly notice me as I took my seat.

“Nice of you to join us Mr. Collins.” said Professor Smith.

I looked at her with a short grin, as she resumed her lecture. I searched for Parker while I saw that he was wearing a pair of dark shades which I had already in my mind guessed the reasoning why. Once class was over I had jotted down everything I needed to know for the next homework assignment and the upcoming final we had and I figured that if I missed anything that I would get the rest of the information from Parker.

“Hey Parker wait up.” I said as he was exiting the classroom.

He stopped hesitantly while waiting for me to catch up. I paused as he still wore his dark shades as he looked disappointed but yet calm.

“If this is where you almost try to break my jaw again I’m leaving.” he said as he started to walk off while I stopped him.

I laughed inside myself and shook my head a little.

“About yesterday, last night I should say rather, I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry.” I explained as he took off his dark shades now and revealed his black eye. I was stunned. “Ouch. That’s gotta hurt.” he nodded. “I really am sorry for beating you the way that I did. I’m just not use to hearing or taking the truth form a friend that seems to really care. And if there’s any consultation-

“J don’t sweat it okay? You had a vulnerable moment and me? I think I was just running my mouth too much. Yea I know that I should be entirely, highly pissed at you right now. But the truth is I’m not. In some way some part of me feels that I deserved that punch to the face and I’m sure that in a couple of weeks the swelling of my eye will be gone, and that the black bruising would have gone down. But in all, all I wanted to do was help.” he explained.

I nodded with understanding.

“I agree you did and I’m going to try and stick to it.” I said.

“I was surprised to see you showed up for class today though you were late I guess that can be exceptional.” he said.

“Definitely maybe.” I said hoping in mind.

For the next couple of weeks that came to past I had begun to stay content to my college course work, which included my coursed homework that I every now and then got an ultimate better grade on. I felt motivated again somehow, and somehow I wished it could stay that way. And that every now and then Parker would help me out with my studies. I thanked him yet knowing I didn’t feel like any inch of me deserved it.

I sat outside of my dorms while beginning to take in another cigarette and also skimming over some of my studies, while also I noticed that other students of the college were passing out flyers. One was handed to me, it was embedded on black and lime green paper that had read “Join us for the Black light Glow in the Dark Party. Free to get in at the door for all students. The rules that apply: you should dress neon light colored. But don’t expect to stay dressed all nightJ. Have fun and enjoy yourself! Party starts @ 8pm June 8^th. SEE YOU THEREJ. That’s tonight I said to myself and yet it was only an hour before it started. I took one last smoke of my cigarette bud and flicked it to the right of me. I was excited I had to attend that college party. Sure I had finals tomorrow but I didn’t care, I felt that I was fully ready to pass that final and that I didn’t need any more studying to pass it.

As I returned to my dorm, I was intrigued as I opened the door to what I would call a sex in broad day light. I quickly shut the door back with embarrassment but yet a sense if laughter as I heard whispers and chattering on the other side of the door, as Parker cane storming out with half of his shirt undone, as he had also formed a slight passionate mark at the left side of his neck.

“Hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” I said as I grinned a little at him a little. He shook his head with a little guilt and laughed a little. “Any ways I just came in, well I was going to come and tell you about this frat party their throwing tonight. It looks like it’s gonna be a lot of fun.” I said.

“Tonight?” he asked.

“Yea tonight, well I mean if it’s not going to interfere with your love fest in there.” I said jokingly.

He grinned and laughed a little.

“Well tonight really isn’t a good night. I have, I mean we have finals tomorrow and I mean it’s just not good to mix alcohol with studies.” I said.

“Who said anything about alcohol?” I asked. TO BE CONTINUED…