Chapter One

There I was driving down the road of Nebraska State with my mother as I could feel the increased lumps and bumps of the road beginning to rock the car. I became annoyed at the feeling as I began placing my ear buds in my ears while listening to David Harley. Maybe this could set the mood or at least save me from this bordum ride to our new home. This was pathetic I thought in my head as my mother continued to drive the road to our new home. We had been on the road all the way from California to now Nebraska, since my mother had landed a better job offering here in Nebraska this meant a new home for me. But why Nebraska? I pondered in my brain. Why not Florida? At least Florida and California had a beach unlike here. Nebraska was just Nebraska. Once my mother and I reached our destination we had landed upon a house that looked like it had been two thousand years old. Vintage I suppose, I thought as I looked up at the windows, while on the outside of the house it was built of brown ginger brick. Big but not huge. My mother greeted the realtor with an open smile as I could already tell by the expression on her face she already loved the house while I on the other hand despised it.

“This is what we’re going to be living in?” I asked my mother, as I began to take my ear buds out of my ears, while she also grinned at me.

“Haley sweetie it’s not so bad, give it a chance. I’m sure in time you’ll learn to love it.” She said as she swiftly ran her hands on my head as my Blond hair slightly blew through the wind. TO BE CONTINUED….

 

 

 

Reviews

[Mila]

Hey!! This was a very short, imaginative and creative read! I really enjoyed it.
If I could offer the tiniest bit of advice, it would be to read back through this and check on some of the sentences that come off and run ons. Reading it to yourself will help you figure out where some of the breaks (i.e., commas, semicolons, periods etc...) need to go.
Loved, this can't wait to read more! Well done :)

[tashavoase]

It's a good start but I felt that, at the moment, it's a bit monotonous so, when you're writing the next part, you might want to work on incorporating some different senses and perhaps using different tones to give your writing more depth. I look forward to reading the next part of your book.

[Stacey]

This was a very well written chapter with a lot of great imagery. I love the way you describe Haley and her frustrations with moving to Nebraska. It painted a very vivid picture in my head because I can totally relate to moving, bumpy roads and long drives. It's kinda ironic as a blind person that it paints a picture, but I can really picture your character and all the sights and feelings as if I was in the same situation. I felt that you did a great job capturing my attention and drawing the reader in. I'm anxious to see what happens next. Great job and keep up the good work! Just one thing I wondered about. I very well could be wrong about this, but maybe it might sound better if you say my mother landed a job in Nebraska instead of had landed. I could be wrong. I'm new at this writing thing myself, but just a thought. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

Cheers,

Staceyanna

[beautifulnorm]

Omigosh thank you so much for commenting and taking the time out to read this story of mines. Usually this isn't my typically genre of writing I like to do but with this story im just wanting to try something different, though with this story it sets upon time travel, and portals and even possibly forbidden love. I havent quite got the plot in writting yet but i feel as i write more the ideas for this story will come to me. And thanks again:)

[Stacey]

It was my pleasure. If you would like any ideas or help writing your book please let me know. I would be glad to help. You can message me if you want and maybe I can give you some ideas. I love writing mostly any kind of story, so if you need help, just let me know.

Cheers,

Staceyanna