Shining Solitude

A Poem by beautifulblade

A prose letter write to my friend Kayla.

My dearest starling,

I know that life has never treated you kindly, yet I've never seen you too far from a smile. You whisper to fate winding 'round a fevered forest and let the breeze take you where it may. I'm sure if I closed my eyes and listened, I could hear your soul your name for the peace of heart broken past. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that your memories are littered with mistrust and broken promises, a sacred mark of a scared and searching child. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that for so many years, you found solace in rusty metal and tarnished dreams.

I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner.

My darling, I wonder if you could find your compass, which direction would it point? Would it lead you north to the poles of this land or would it seek out your desires and highlight the path to your dreams? I'll never know. At least, not unless you discover the mysteries hidden in your mind and find a way to make them legible on a canvas other than your skin. Kayla, sweetheart, my heart hurts for you. Now, I don't tell you this to place a burden on your being but rather to make it known that you were not alone in this fight. I may not have a black belt (or even a regular one), but I will battle through this world to find you comfort that doesn't leave marks behind.

I wish that you could see your beauty. But I could paint your blue and show you the sky. We will dance around campfires and rust our confidence over burning coals... maybe then we will finally find a way to accept our flaws and be free. Is it possible that we must embrace the boogeyman and inside ourselves before we can fly high in the mountains of mortality, seeking out the immortal essence of our being.

I hope that one day you will find the imagery of your solitude a haunting reminder of how far you have come. I find it a consolation that I know you, that you have trusted me with your inmost thoughts and dreams, although some of them seem to be nightmares.

Mi hija,

I am once again overwhelmed with the intensity of my love for a stranger. I know that my heart often takes hurting children under its wings, but I never know how far the span of them will go. I hope that one day you will turn your gray gaze to the future, find promise in the farthest happenings of the world. Perhaps one day, we will meet around a Sunday roast with the family you adopt as your own. We will share laughter over talks of animals and animosity, finding humor in the quarrels of the universe. Are we forever expanding in every direction or is time itself slowing to a stop? I pray that if we find ourselves frozen in between the tic-tocs of broken clocks, that we reach a conclusion of confidence and are overwhelmed with the good we find in the world. Even if that good is only found in things that shine, may we learn to glow brightly in the darkness. May our eyes illuminate the shadows of our consciousness and light up the journey to divine revelations, where we seek out the wounded and discover the secret of harmony.

With love,
a wandering sensei.

P.S. Remember to find beauty in things that are broken, like kitsugi, I will bind you back together with gold.