Songs for Hummingbirds

Criticism Appreciated.

Forgive me father I have sinned,

This faith that I’ve abducted has ripped me open again-

I can’t stand the sight, the smell - the ethereal flames,

But since you’ve left me I haven’t been the same.

My visions macabre, my breath’s fantastic-

Double my dose, it’s making me spastic.

You’ve always said that the medication was the key,

But nowadays its all over - a concubine sea.

My skin is eroding from the friction of sand,

But the strength you have given me helps me believe,

That nothing is possible, now that I am me.

Ersatz as the freedom that’s written in ink,

A tattooed promise that you’ve failed to keep.

Wash it away and start over again,

But my watery wounds are starting to seep.

The pus that’s built up pours out like venom,

However, not lucky enough to yet feel constriction.

A snake in the slumber, a slumber to me.

A bird in the forest beginning to flee,

Awake little serpent your dinner is gone-

A moment of faith and slumber awakes-

To the dream of execution songs.

Forgive me Mother but Father has died,

To watch him writhing in pain was ecstasy-

You should have been there to help him survive,

Because honestly mother, I cant say I tried.

He slipped from this world like a fish on a hook,

Screaming your name with the last breath he took.

He made me promise; though, I doubt I should

To relay a message on which he stood:

“To feel is to live, yet to live is to die-

Are your feelings worth to tell him you tried?

My heart now slows, so your ears may be quick,

As I beg you to tell your mother that I’ve always been sick.

A disease for a heart, a trade in the night

A girl whose knowledge of skin - so bright!

I tasted it once, twice and thrice,

Her beauty so real it turned me to ice.

I built up a wall that will never be torn down,

Neither in death may your words get around-

For its bricks are high and cement as strong,

Tear yours down while you can my son-

And listen to my execution song.”

Author's Note

I poem for my father - wretched man.

Reviews

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Forgive me Father I have sinned.........the friction surrounding me is eroding my skin, but makes me stronger so that I know....nothing is impossible. These wounds I carry have become festered and weep venom but oh slumbering snake I will not be your dinner. I watch you slip from this world in agony knowing you have always been sick, hear me joyfully singing my execution song..............powerful piece!

[Richard Williams]

Very intense and pointed writing, with sharp lines like, "He slipped from this world like a fish on a hook." Well penned.