Ten Damn Days

Anxiety and depression are a part of my life. This is an honest rendering of what depression feels like when I'm unable to break away from it. Perhaps some of you can relate.

It’s not the drunken delight, 

but ten depressed days in a row…

 

It’s not the washing of waves, 

but what waits in the undertow.

It’s not the beauties that bloom, 

but the betraying weeds that grow.

It’s not the soaring success, 

but sadness of what I don’t know.

It’s not the curdles of cream, 

but the clabber that's left below.

It’s not the manic momentum, 

but the mired and lagging flow.

It’s not the wrapping on the wreath, 

but that wretched wreck of a bow.

It’s not the dazzling white dove, 

but descending blackness in tow.

Its these ten damn days of hell, 

and this demon that won't let me go.

©2012 Barbara Brown

All rights reserved

Author's Note

I always try to write with truth and could not be more honest than in this piece. I wrote it for me, creating a balm of words that just flow across my mind without too much thought or reason. As always, when I write, I feel better afterwards. I know, its dark, but sometimes that's my truth...a bit of alliteration thrown in for good measure...if you can find the 3-word pattern...and 7/8 syllable structure.

I have learned that it is important to acknowledge depression when it is present. To try and ignore it, hoping it will go away, usually just prolongs the experience. It is NOT about being weak. I react pretty quickly when I feel an "episode" coming on, and reach out to my professional and personal resources. I encourage everyone who struggles with depression and anxiety to get help. You'd get help if you broke your leg, why would you not seek help when your mental state is ailing? Food for thought...born from years of experience.

Thanks for all the kind reviews and I'm glad this piece helps. Some of you may be looking for an ending, a description of the departure of depression but that's not what this is about. This is about "mindfulness." It is honest recognition of emotional pain that must be dealt with. It's not about wallowing, it's about self respect and taking care of yourself.

Reviews

[Kimberly "Melody" Carne..]

I love the honest raw nature of this poem! Have you read "Kissing Fear" by: V.J.C.? You know me I always must say something ;). Depression is a gift (it's all a matter of perception) It is your soul begging for a moment to be heard. Depression is something I was trapped in for a few years, then one day I searched my soul for the words it whispered to me. It wanted me to let go of all that had happened to me or all I had to still face. Holding on to it all was suffocating my very soul. Now I let life happen and am astonished at the peace I have found. So as I always say, I have been through hell and back...and I am glad, because I found ME right smack in the middle. Thank you for your wonderful write

[BLBrown]

Good for you. It sounds like you have tamed that monster.

I have Bi-Polar disorder so I'm pretty attuned to oncoming episodes of depression, all part of the disorder cycle. I take quick action as my note says and also use breathing and meditation to relax. Doin' ok.

[Blue Belle]

In your poem, I like how you described what it is not, and then what it is; an interesting way to see it with the two extremes. I love your inspiration in your 'note'.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

This piece is beautiful in a twisted kind of way, and I mean that as the highest compliment. It is wonderfully yet frightfully truthful, reminding me of all the pain in this world, but you know, you can't have a rainbow without the rain. Fantastically written with honesty and soul. Magnificent.

[BLBrown]

Thanks so much! This poem dropped out of my head and on to the screen without much effort. I was really feeling it. Thanks again for your kind words.

[BreeBree1983]

Amazing.. Beautiful! I love this!

[外人 (Gaiji..]

ABCBDBEBFB and so on :)
The anaphora is "it's not the".
What can i say to someone that set up such a great poem structure? WELL DONE !

[BLBrown]

You seem to know a lot about poetic structure. I'm self-taught and learning more every day. I appreciate your reviews, as you are able to decipher what others cannot. You always give me pause to think.

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thanks :) Also, great talent, self-taught?! I've been forced to study these things at school, at the beginning I hated them

[Emerald Seas]

I think everyone that reads this can relate in some way to your words. Acute or chronic, depression hits us all. Your words describe that depth of hell with style.

"It’s not the soaring success,
but sadness of what I don’t know."

Each pairing has a unique quality. The one above speaks to me in particular... excellent writing!

[R.A. Youngblood]

This is very dark... Desperation, frustration and depression flows in it. You expressed your heavy feelings very well.
It really sucks to be depressed like this, i can only sympathize with you, i'm depressed often, and i know how it feels. So, try to be more happier and do things you like, don't give up! This is going to my library!
Thanks for sharing..Keep it up :D

[Leigh]

I can relate to this and I find that writing helps me a lot, I tend to paint as well, also music is very theraputic. I sympathise with your condition, it has brought out this sincere and lovely poem.

[marytownsend]

I can relate to this poem so well, I have just started to emerge from my own sort of darkness. The last lines are powerful and speak to that depressing darkness that lurks below the surface. Thank you for this great piece!