Mind - Body, A Conversation

A humorous look at what a mind - body conversation might be like. Warning: Copious use of colorful language.

Mind:   Well, I guess you heard.  (British accent)

 

Body:  Yep (American Southern accent)

 

Mind:  Frankly I’m in shock about it.

 

Body:  Yep

 

Mind:  I mean, we hardly have cancer in our family.

 

Body:  Yep

 

Mind:  I just never saw Leukemia coming, you know?

 

Body:  Yep

 

Mind:  Is that all you can say, “yep?”

 

Body:  Well, until you can give me something to react to, then “yep.”

 

Mind:  You’re kidding right?  Give YOU something to react to?  That’s all you do is react.  That’s why we’re in this boat.

 

Body:  Now hold on there, Tonto.  You know that’s my job.  You think, I react. 

 

Mind:  No, I think, you ignore.

 

Body:  The fact that you’ve been falling down on the job lately because of your psycho mumbo-jumbo is not my fault.

 

Mind:  Hey, it’s not mumbo-jumbo, it’s for real...I'm really hurting in here.

 

Body:  Oh boo-hoo for you, all warm and safe in your skull house.  You know, all that anxiety boogity boogity has not been good for me.

 

Mind:  Hey, wait a minute.  Just because my stress is a little high doesn’t mean you have to go postal with you’re white cells. 

 

Body:  “A little high?”  You have got to be kidding.  Your stress has been out the roof and I’ve been the one hurting from it.  I mean, again, I’m just reacting, dude.   Rain it in a little, would you?

 

Mind:  “Rein it in she says,”…you don’t even know how to spell the word…I even have to do that for you.   Seriously, you are an idiot.  I’m embarrassed to have you for a body.

 

Body:  If I’m the idiot then why do you have the IQ?  You’re the idiot.  You’re supposed to be controlling me.

 

Mind:  F**k you.

 

Body:  Fuuuuuuck you.

 

Mind:  No seriously, f**k you.

 

Body:  No really, fuuuuuck you.

 

Mind:  I’d like to beat the s**t out of you right now!

 

Body:  Now who’s the idiot?  You’d be beating yourself, you dumbass.

 

Mind:  You see?  You see?!

 

Body:  You see?  Of course I see, I’m the one with the eyes aren’t I?

 

Mind:  No, I mean, we’re in this fix because you NEVER listen to me. 

 

Body:  Well, give me a call when you get back from charm school and maybe you’ll have something interesting to say.

 

Mind:  We have Leukemia you imbecile, Leukemia.  Do you even know what that is?  Let me spell that for you.  “Lu-f*****g-ke-f*****g-mi-f*****g"uh.” 

 

Body:  My, my.  Run out of descriptive words have we?

 

Mind:  You drive me insane, I swear.

 

Body:  So what's new?  Look, it’s cancer of the blood.  Every...body knows that.

 

Mind:  And do you know WHY we have Leukemia?

 

Body:  Actually, no.  You haven’t told me yet.

 

Mind:  Because you invited those damned ugly white cells into your bone marrow.

 

Body:  It’s called hospitality, dude.  I was just trying to be nice.  They said they needed a place to stay.

 

Mind:  Nice…right, so these few ugly cells get a bedroom and then all of the sudden they start pro-creating, babies, grandbabies.

 

Body:  Yeah well, never saw that coming.  You should have been more vigilant.

 

Mind:  You can’t put this off on me!!  Now they are to the point that they are now killing off the good cells.  All because of your so called “hospitality.”

 

Body:  Okay, so you have a point.  But you know I didn’t actually invite them in, I was just chill about it.  

 

Mind:  Chill about it, right.

 

Body:  Really, the gene that produces those cells was just activated for some reason.  I don’t know why.

 

Mind:   Yeah, why would you control them when you can’t even control yourself.  Oh right, now they are a part of “yourself.”  Now they are part of us.  Thanks for that.

 

Body:  Well, I admit it, I had a few drinks with them and, probably got a little too friendly.  You know I'm a friendly drunk.  But they seemed nice enough.  And you know how sensitive I can be.

 

Mind:  Look, I’m the sensitive one here!  I need for you to LISTEN with those Dumbo ears of yours every now and then.

 

Body:  You never give me any attention!  Why should I give you attention?

 

Mind:  Fine, you do something right and I’ll pat your back, or rather direct your arm and hand to do so.

 

Body:  Whatever.  I can make due on my own.

 

Mind:  No you can’t.  You couldn’t walk your two feet two feet unless I told you to.

 

Body:  OKAY fine!  You’re the boss and I’m just a slave. 

 

Mind:  Exxxxaaaacccctly.

 

Body:  Just work on the anxiety would you, it’s really doing a number on my heartburn.

 

Mind:  You’re always putting these things off on me.

 

Body:  What, now I’m in charge of anxiety and stress?  That’s not in my job description, dude.

 

Mind:  We’re not getting anywhere with this.  I’m going to take a nap.

 

Body:  Me too.  I’m exhausted from all your ranting and raving.

 

Mind:  Ah, screw you.

 

Body:  Screw you, dude. 

 

Mind:  No seriously, screw you and the horse you rode in on.

 

Body:  No, screw you and that...that...that...uh...horse...uh...yo Mama! 

 

Mind:  Ummm, you do know we have the same mother, right?

 

Knock, Knock

 

Spirit:  Hellooooooooo!  It's meeeee, your conscience. (in soprano voice)

 

Mind and Body:  Ah, s**t.

Author's Note

Awards

- Nonsense Contest - "Absolutely Hilarious" Tied for 1st Place

- Able to Write Contest 3rd Place

Reviews

[emmajoy]

My goodness, oh my, humour and wondering 'what the hell ' and all in one go! This is a brilliant and mind-blowing take on the battle between all the senses, all the pieces of what is the human psyche versus the physical. And you've done it somehow majestically, with immense wit and downright courage. Great ending Brilliant.

[Mary]

reminds me of a play that was written and performed in RI. "Chemo-Brain."

[Mary]

Amazing! absolutely the best read on a---hole cancer I've ever read! You must publish this!!!!!!!! Thank you for sharing this! and best wishes always! Please show this to your docs and to your cancer support groups if there are any in your area... pass it on

[stars are far]

I loved that.. New thing.. Love it

[Leslie Philibert]

Clever, black comedy that would make a good radio play ( probably nobody listens to them these days, apart from me), the title reminds me of the endless philisophical discussion of this theme , and I find it intriguing that mind has a British accent....
A good piece of writing, funny and original.

[Emerald Seas]

Barbara, you amaze me with your writing! Such humor in this, I love it.
Battle on my friend :) I am glad you're expressing every side of your personality as you explore the aspects of how this affects you.

[Sheila Kline]

Yes, written as a humorous account of "one" but riddled with lamentations of this horrible disease and how it affects the all of a being struggling to comprehend how such an unwelcome visitor is allowed to gain entry into the world of one who must not only be invaded by such a potential destroyer, but must be held at its mercy while a strategy is formulated to rid it of its ability to make itself at home!

I have read this several times before posting a review, and I note the recent edit of the embolding of "Mind" which makes it easier to follow.

May we fully understand such battles, and hope "Spirit," and LIFE overcome in the end!!

[Sapphire_Jewel]

I love the humorous tone. This was an excellent write.

[Legion]

LOL especially that ending (and sad as well). Well done, but I'm not sure we'll ever see this in a screenplay. Kudos.