Beautyfly

beauty thats held up inside

Wings which glitter slowly flutter

as if to fly away

All she thinks about is her new found freedom and

what the others will think of her wings

will she be a beauty among the others or

dull

wait.......... who cares all I can be is me

I can not change my wings or personality

 

Author's Note

I hope it really reaches down deep. And or makes you think harder about who you are

Reviews

[CecilA]

Yes it does. I am caught up with the view of her emerging from the cocoon as I emerged from my mother's womb. New life; different dimension; life's abundant opportunities await.

Suggestions:

1. ? 'Wings which glitter'

2. Refer to her as 'her' not 'it'.'All she thinks about is her new found freedom'

3. 'All she can be is herself'

4. 'She will not change her wings or her personality'

Comments made by a Dinosaur (outmolded and resistant to change) though not extinct. Not criticism nor saying what you have written is wrong. Just thoughts for you to consider.

Great story. Love it. Keep up the good work.

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

thank you for reading and the suggestions

[CecilA]

I hope I didn't intrude into your writer's 'Space'. Sometimes I get over involved. So don't be afraid to tell me when to back off.

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

no no it was really helpful

[Rhianne Ney]

That's right just be yourself and forget the whole world that looks at you differently because first of all they really can't change who you are by their own ideals

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

Beautyfly
(Review for Change the World Competition) You have chosen a great subject and scored well for honesty. You have approached the subject with clear thought. Personality though is something that can and does change constantly. The motive must come from an internal source though, you must become the change YOU want to see, not what others project on your soul. For a vast majority of souls automatic responses are a major function. It is individual thought and emotion that will overcome that. This work of yours is very beautiful and shows great potential. Well done.

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

I hope that this piece is entered into the comp, fantastic.

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

thanks btw whats the name of the comp.

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

You have found it, thank you for entering

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

ur welcome

[Felicity's Eve]

This really speaks to me.

I'm bullied constantly for being myself, verbally (by girls) and physically (by guys). But poems like this remind me that I shouldn't regret a thing. ^^

Fantastic work! :D

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

well im glad it does I never have been bullied but I came to a new school and I only had one friend because I was so perky and every one thought it was annoying then that friend left and I made a new one this year and she said that she never thought as me as annoying and I hope you the best with the verbally and physically ( give those guy a punch or three Im not the violent type but.........)

[Felicity's Eve]

Lol they actually live in my neighborhood so I've been able to teach them a lesson or two. ^^

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

well goo they deserve it and i dont know if you have ever read kadessa (kaddy's) book's but there is a chapter 14 of elementals that will stike some feeling for physically abused and the 1'st one

[Felicity's Eve]

I might just go check that out. ^^

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

well good shes an amazing wirter to find her shes in my friend section for a short cut

[Felicity's Eve]

Awesome! :)

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

yeah nad my friend from school is lollilove12 shes a good writer she is just as booked as I am

[Felicity's Eve]

Everyone seems to be this time of year. :)

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

yeah but hers is with school and family( were in Honors AP in acadmics)

[Felicity's Eve]

I see ^^

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

Yeah busy schedule then me time

[Felicity's Eve]

I can understand that :)

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

Most people can relate I don't think I know any one who cant

[Felicity's Eve]

True, true :)

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

well have a merry christmas hope u get better :)

[Felicity's Eve]

You too. The Christmas part at least. ^^

[Sid]

It sure reaches deep and yes we can't change who we are, we just have to accept and make the best of it, well worded and the message was conveyed very well...good write!!

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

thank you I'm still new with poems this is the first one I posted I'm think I like to write books more but I like to try to look and do different things

[Sid]

You definitely should try writing poetry, you are good at it. Besides I find writing poems to be somewhat liberating, don't have a clue why, but yeah trying different things is good, keep at it!!

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

thank you u should too.

[Sami Khalil]

I like the ending.

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

thank you

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome.