Chapter One

the first chapter to the story. the books not yet but here is what we have so far. got any good names for the book tell me :)

It's Holloween again, my favorite day of the year but also his twenty-first birthday. We planned him a party, Brandi, Kale and I. Lately he's been sad again but no one knows why. Brandi and I are at my house packing for the party and the weekend. We are going to stay at a hotel not to far out of town, it's a little old but should be fun. We haven't even been inside yet but from what we know the room is the biggest sweet they have, and smoke free of coarse. "It's a full moon" Brandi giggled looking out the window, "what are you being tonight?" Of coarse she was talking about my costume. "I think a fairy, you know, something to look cute for Sylis's party." I said thinking about how he might react. Then i remembered, he's still sad..a wave of sadness covered my face. "what's wrong?" she said concerned "just worried about Sylis, he's so sad." "Still? well hopefully the party will cheer him up and i know he'll like your costume Gabe." she used my nickname.

                      At the hotel parking lot we are laughing and struggling to get our bags out of the trunk. walking the long distance Brandi laughed looking all around her "It's a little creepy tonight". The parking lot is huge with no lights, only a few cars, and surrounded by the forest. "I agree" i said laughing along with her. Our way up to our room was wierd, it was very dim lighted and only a few stain glass windows along the hallway walls. "creepy" I mumbled "barely anyone here. and whats with the lights?" "Hey maybe it's for Holloween" she giggled.

                       We entered our room and wow. It. is. HUGE. there is a kitchen with an oak dinning table in it that could fit at least ten people. The living room was big with two comfy looking chairs facing a TV that can be pulled out of a hidden space in the wall. There's a pullout couch facing a beautiful fireplace that was lined with dark blue, dark red, black, and white candles that were also set on every table. All the walls were covered in wallpaper that looked like vines and the floors were all stone except in the bedrooms, there were two. The first thing you see is a huge bed with red silk blankets and tons of pillows. there is a mirror that lines one whole wall and on the other a stain glass window. the floors both were dark green and the walls the same as the rest of the place. The bathroom was a typical white you would see anywhere else but had a really big tub and candles everywhere. the wierd thing is all of the candles were already lit. "I call this room!" as Brandi runs down the small hall towards the one on the left "you can have that one." "ok" i laughed at her "we should probably get all the stuff rea.." there was a banging at the door, Oh no Sylis can't be here early we aren't ready. I opened the door and I couldn't believe it. "Hazen? what are you doing here? and how did you know where i am?!" he looked out of it, something was really wrong. "what's wrong" was all i could say. he just looked at me, something was really really wrong. "I think we need to talk" he said with worry in his eye. "Umm..ok.." i have about two hours before Sylis would be here "what do we need to talk about?" still shocked he's talking to me at all. "not here, lets go." he grabbed my arm and pulled me with him "where are we going?" i asked "somewhere private."

                         He pulled me down a path to the woods. "i can't be around you anymore." he said, struggling with the words "there's..there's something....wrong...with me, i need you to stay away". "Hazen you can tell me anything, maybe i can help." "No" he said sturnly. "well we can still talk right?" "No, you need to stay away or...or..something could happen. i shouldn't even be here rite now i just needed to tell you something." there was a dreadfull long pause then he finally said something. "I love you Gabria, but i can't be around you, its too dangerous." he was sad now. "i still care about you, alot, maybe still love in some way, you can't just disapear.." i felt like crying, i was losing a friend but i don't know why. "i have to go Gabe, for you, i need to leave. Sylis loves you and he's only worried your going to leave him again, that's why he is sad. trust me i just know." my phone went off, a text from Brandi Where are you!? Sylis is here early and is freaking out because your with Hazen! get up here now! "I have to go, Sylis is here, its his birthday." "tell him i said happy birthday for me" he paused again "i need to leave, i'll think of you every night forever. i love you Gabe, goodbye." and he was gone, where did he go?? it's like he dissapeared from thin air. i had to go back up and worry about all this later. i have to make Sylis happy.

                           I walked in the door of our room and Sylis was there "Happy birthday baby! I love you!" i was trying to kiss him but he was pushing me away "What did he want." he was mad, i had to lie "he said he hates me and he never wants to see me again, that our friendship is bullshit and he's sick of it." i made myself look sad "oh, i'm sorry babe..i didn't mean to..im sorry" he felt bad "hey, its your birthday be happy" i smiled and kissed him again "where's Brandi?" i noticed it was too quiet in here "oh she went to pick up Kale, she said she will be gone for a few hours." he mummbled. "oh so we are alone for a while?" i gave him a big smile and he started kissing me. he picked me up and headed to our room, locked the door and...

                            After it was over we just layed there, listening to each others heart beating. "do you think anything lasts forever?" i asked him, he kissed my head and whispered "I think so". all was silentbut our breathing then voices filled the main room all I could say was "Oh s**t." as we both desperatly tried to yank our clothes on, Brandi and Kale walked in. Sylis and I were half undressed "God damn it Gabe i thought I told you to keep your pants on." "well you might have said something to her about it, but never to me" Sylis said with a smug grin on his face. "Well looks like we missed out on a great party, damn." we all just looked at Kale and rolled our eyes, and laughed, what else was there to do, he's Kale. "Well we are going to go finnish getting the food ready.." as Brandi and kale left the room i shut the door behind them. Sylis took me in his arms, "I love you, forever" he whispered to me "I love you to" and we both smiled. He looked so happy and for the first time in a long time the smile reached his eyes, he was absolutely perfect. He kissed me softly "we better get out there and help." "no mr. birthday boy, you sit, i help." he smiled and we walked out to the kitchen. Apparently we were interupting something in here because they jumped back so fast i could hardely see them. Kale stood up "what? it's not like we locked ourselves in a room and took our clothes off, sound familiar?" i blushed at the memory. "ok, ok lets get ready..." Brandi said

      --An hour or so later--

                                "Gabria, it looks great. this is all so perfect, thank you" Sylis said smiling. ''Thanks and your welcome". Sylis pulled me in his arms "woah, ya know there are people here rite?" Kale said. Brandi took his hand and pulled him in the other room and shut the door "it's his birthday let him enjoy it" kale was leading her to the large bed.                           

                             Thats when the sirens went off..

Reviews

[Moyo]

Um... it was difficult to understand. There are plenty of words that are used in the wrong way. Punctuation and capitalization needs work, and you also need to separate the conversations with new paragraphs, like it was already mentioned. This chapter would also profit from adding plenty of more detail.

[Blue]

It's a good story but you need to work on capitalizations, making new paragraphs when another person is speaking right after someone just finished, and stuff like that. It was good, but really work on that.

[Aurora Boreyalis]

i love reviews :) so start writing!!