Bro

A bro-mance like none other!

*Looking for feedback on both writing and the short film. Tell me what you think :)

BRO

Scene 1

INT. COZY LOOKING LIVING ROOM. DAY

Ali and Jay are setting up for a LAN game

ALI: I have a buddy who’s going to play too, this guy’s pretty good. He’s sort of my bro

JAY: Yeah me too, I asked my friend to join in too. This guy’s my bro.

ALI: What’s his name?

JAY: He plays by the BigChub

ALI: The…the BigChub?

JAY: Yeah, BigChub

ALI: No no no, he might be your boy; but he’s my bro.

JAY: Look, you’re frustrating me right now. You’re delusional. I get it. You have a lot going on in life and you, you are just looking to form a bond and you’re trying to form that with the big chub.

ALI: Okay, so we’ll let him decide who his real bro is.

JAY: I guess we will then.

BOTH GETS UP TO LEAVE THE ROOM

Scene 2

CUT SCENE AS ALI IS WALKING AWAY

INT. BATHROOM SETTING, MIRROR IN VIEW 

Will is washing hands as Jay emerges from the stall, see Jay’s reflection in the mirror.

WILL: Jay! How’s it going, bud? Funny running into you here.

JAY: (Chuckles) No man, not at all; not at all. I mean being bro’s, we can run into each other wherever. But, you know what, I just wanted to tell you: you were impressive in there.

Will shakes the water off his hands and grabs a paper towel.

WILL: In where?

JAY: In there…you know what I mean. It seemed like you were calm and pretty collected. 

WILL: Thank you? You’re an interesting guy, bro(smiles).  

(Pan and zoom to Jay’s face)

JAY: (Satisfactory smile)

Phone ringing (insert a funny tune)

WILL: I think your phone is going off. That’s you, isn’t it?

JAY: I don’t have time right now, I’ll talk to her after. This is important.

Jay cancels the call from girlfriend and turns back to focus on Will.

WILL: You have to go? It’s totally fine. I mean we are in a washroom anyway. As majestic as it is, we all have to leave some time.

JAY: (Awkward fist bump with Will) Yeah I’ll catch you later.

WILL LEAVES THE WASHROOM

Scene 3

Will is leaving the bathroom, but Ali catches him in the hallway

ALI: Heyyyyy Buddyyy (a little scary) How’s it going? Bro…my brethren? Mon frère?

WILL: (Will stops and turns to Ali) Whoa, what did you say? I’m your what?

ALI: Look, I just think it’s time. We’ve known each other for a couple of months now. I’ve seen you give me those looks. (Ali looks down and smirks. Will looks more shock and takes a step back, holding in the laugh.) Yeah we stay up all night playing league. I mean you’ve liked pretty much all my Instagram pictures. I think we can move this further, right…bro?

WILL: Haha, what are you on? You’re right, we had fun. I’ll give you a shout though, I have a class to go to. I’ll see you around.

(Will and Ali High5 awkwardly)

ALI: (Smiles to himself and nods head) Yes!

Scene 4

EXT. OUTSIDE, ALLEY MORNING TIME

Jay waiting in the alley, enter Ali looking upset to see him

JAY: You!

ALI: ME! I mean you! What do you want?

JAY: Nothing, I came to meet my NEW best friend, Will.

Jay and Ali start moving towards each other

ALI: You mean MY bro!

Ali and Jay come to each other and circle

ZOOM IN ON THEIR EYES LOCKING HEAR WESTERN MUSIC, THEN BREAK

JAY: Oh man did you forget to brush this morning? Your breath smells like kitty litter!

ALI: Did you wash your face this morning... its so soft..

Enter Will with Jenn next to him

WILL: What are you both doing here? In this empty hallway?

ALI: You made it!

WILL: You called me here, you both di; To an alley. What’s going on?!

Both Ali and Jay look around, a bit shy to say it

WILL: Wait, I think I know what this is. Listen guys, you’re both great, and we could all be bros, but I already have a BFF and her names Jenn. I’ll catch you guys some other time alright bud?

Both look sad as Will leaves, but both Ali and Jay look away and think “bud”, then look to each other and camera zooms in. 

ALI AND JAY: Jenn!

END SCENE

Author's Note

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

nicely done. I agree this does have comic potential.

[Rick]

This definitely has comedic potential, there were times where the dialogue could've taken us to much funnier terrain. For instance, the conversation in the bathroom, definitely awkward as it should've been but even more awkward and funny would be to have them talking at the urinals with Jay being in his personal space.

Another example, Ali running into big chub in the hallway. The conversation seemed to take a turn as Ali came off a bit gay which could've been extremely funny but instead it settles for something else. Still kind of funny because it's awkward, but going into topics that one doesn't mean to go into could've been a lot more funnier.

I think a lot of jokes are there, you just have to explore it a bit more. Good luck.

[Mike Emil]

'end act'
NOT 'end scene'
got to teach YOU kids
everything
HAI!!!

finish the whole thing
then YOU may validate
to kohlrabi theater
HAI!!!!!!!!!!!! moreso

[Pollai]

You must teach me more about this "kohlrabi"

[Mike Emil]

YOU need much teaching
kohlrabi theater is NOT learned
it is a place, a function
YOU must learn of YOUR writing
to make yourself ready
learn, study and explore
the pen, the type written word, etc.
HAI!!!

[Ravyne Hawke]

Interesting concept.. not sure I understand the concept of a "bro" but I guess it is very important to college age kids.. the video is great... I love the stares ..great job with this

[Pollai]

Thank you :) I guess its something to signify someone who is moreso your "best friend"

[Einstein Noodle]

very funny ... i think i am too out of touch being an old geezer ... college life was a loooooooooongggg time ago ... humor is at its best when we can laugh at ourselves ... i think you do a great job of that ... the film was very good ... your characters believable ... i think you should keep it up ... and you didn't need sex and violence to make it work .. nice job!
E.

[Pollai]

Haha, thank you!