Attention attention

Attention attention,

Focus now

All except the one

Gleefully lost

Sitting in retention

 

I wish to change the world

Yet my world keeps being

Redefined

Trying to be unique

I've lost, what made this mine

 

Attention attention,

My dear;

Why won’t you listen?

Let me enlighten your mind

So you can embrace your prison

 

Too fast this pace,

Losing sight in the haste

My neurons fire endlessly

Never being aware

Of all the deficits

 

Attention attention,

Why are you so lost?

It'll be okay

Just teach yourself

To concentrate the thoughts

 

Hello pill

Is it time again

To help me

Sit here

Be still

 

Attention attention,

Focus now

Just let it sink in

You’re emancipated dear,

Set free from thinking

Author's Note

A much more unorthodox piece. Any feedback is appreciated. Just some thoughts finding their escape on paper, and I would love to hear if you found this sensible at all. Honestly, feel free to be very critical I would like that. Enjoy.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Unorthodox fits you well, my friend. I think this is one of your best. I could pick out so many fantastic metaphors and lines, but that would just be a waste of space in this little box. I love the idea of the "pills to keep you still"...very relatable. I also love the idea of attempting to define a world, a life, that is ever changing. Thought provoking indeed.

[Pollai]

Wow Sarah, that's too kind. Thank you for stopping by and really glad to hear you could relate to this. :)

[Mockingbird]

it's like getting into the head of the boy with the a.d.d. it is a prison. he does have rational, lucid thoughts despite his illness. he knows what's happening in the world and and how it's a fast-paced life, always changing. but then he has to take the pill which numbs his mind so he doesn't have to think and be distressed. that is a separate issue. the idea of medicating children is sad. it seems that the side effect of the meds really does affect his mind in a profound way. but to the rest of the world it is the last option to help the boy operate in a manageable way.
i like the repetition of 'attention' it emphasizes the theme of the poem. those stanzas snap you back from the racing thoughts and into 'reality'.
it does go with the story, because we really get into his mind and see what he's thinking.
the boy seems resigned to the fact that he has to take this pill in order to cope with life and be manageable. i also like how he overcame his plight, how the parents gave him the box.
this poem is definitely part of the character development. this poem tells its own story.
i could discuss these things all day long that's how much i like the story and the poem. excellent job.

[Ravyne Hawke]

I get someone who is either ADHD or Manic fidgeting until time to take their medicine.. and then free from thought because most of these meds turn you into unthinking zombies. Great poem, even if my assessment is wrong. I enjoyed the exploration.

[Mike Emil]

you have potential
don't know if you are ready for kohlrabi theater yet
perhaps soon

[Rogue]

I agree with Sarah in that this is one of your best pieces. This works very well for you and your voice in it is a standout.
I had two views on this one:
Literally: Someone once full of dreams and plans that somehow got sidetracked by life and has to take a medication that robs them of the ability to realize them.
Metaphorically: a person once full of fire and individuality has been forced to conform to ways that where not their own. Swallow this down and be quiet now. It is for the best.

Just my thoughts on this wonderful write. :)

[Pollai]

I will admit your interpretation is different from my intention, but I loved reading them. I love to hear people taking away something different from my writing so I was really happy to hear your take. Thank you Rogue :)

[Just Kim]

Love the last stanza, This is amazing.
Like the depth in it : )

[Pollai]

Thank you sprinkles, glad to hear you liked it :)

[gombeggar]

I can appreciate this...seems like an excerpt from a one man play or maybe something more is in there waiting to be finished

[Pollai]

I saw it as such, thinking I might expand on this. Thank you

[quinfinn]

far too many wonderful lines in this write for it not to be provocative and intriguing, this is what i like to call organized chaos...brilliant and interpretive...well penned.

[Pollai]

Thank you Quin :)

[quinfinn]

very welcome, indeed....

[Einstein Noodle]

oh this is fantastic! totally sensible. says so much about a whole genre of people, classes and situations. the use and repetition of "Attention attention," works well, thinks i. all kinds of pills, all kinds of escape. The world is full of it and the debris left behind. fine work. needs being said.
E.

[Pollai]

Thank you very much E. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by :)

[Einstein Noodle]

also working attention and deficit into your poem is quite clever and i understand that though its the focus; a more universal understanding is not left out. again, nice work.
E.

[Sirius King]

Attention attention,

My dear;

Why won’t you listen?

Let me enlighten your mind

So you can embrace your prison

I love this stanza

Great write!

[Pollai]

Thanks Serenus :)

[Pollai]

A rich write, my friend, I like the fact you want to change the world, by just writing you already do...
"Let me enlighten your mind So you can embrace your prison" a beautiful line, to reach for freedom of mind, thinking, being, thank you for sharing.

- Elisa

[Pollai]

Thank you Elisa, very inspiring :)

Thank you for writing, I'll be back soon for more, when time permits :D