Thank you, My muse

I would like to thank my muse, wherever she happens to be.

You are the star

of my otherwise

dark night.

 

You are as the air;

Indispensable.

 

Without you

my verses would

be meaningless.

 

Only you can calm

the rageing lion

that is my soul.

 

If I were a musician...

you would undoubtebly be

the scale upon which

I improvise the blues.

 

I find you in the halls

of my school

adjacent to me

in the office

where I work...

 

We exchange

casual glances

In the train,

at the cafe...

 

We accidentally

caress each other

amongst the lifeless bodies

with broken souls

Which inhabit,

the Land of Insomniacs

 

In your eyes

I see the universe

And all its mysteries

are revealed to me.

 

Often times

when you pass me by

I am amazed by the divine

symetry, that is your body.

 

And when you scream of delight,

I hear the voices of angels

Ushering me into...

paraside

 

Thank you;

 

For you are my muse.

Author's Note

Confused about the structure. (Confused about structure in general honestly) When I read it out loud it flows well but on paper it looks funny. Suggestions? As always ignore grammar and spelling...thx

Reviews

[windmill]

Definitely an out-loud piece.

Great. She's everywhere, indispensable, in the people, places surrounding you. Things you see/do/feel. I honestly don't know how people like Emily Dickenson could be so goddamn prolific having spent most of her life inside her gates. I need to breathe to write. Seems you feel the same, man.

Like it. It's not cliche. Nice.
S

[Brenda Sue]

Wonderfully penned. Great job.

[Miss Shea]

don't change the structure - writing works better when you leave it alone and let it run the way its supposed to

[Hawksmoor]

Had to read this out loud, since it's the near-suggestion of the author to do so.

I will say this; your skill with the spoken word has grown quite a lot.


And when you scream of delight,

I hear the voices of angels

Ushering me into...

paraside

Excellent. The thing is, even if the last word was a typo, I think you should keep it in there, with the rest. Paradise aint supposed to be seen as something that decipherable to the average human being. It's something, in my opinion, that's to be looked upon with wonder, confusion, and maybe even a little fear. Like the true and terrible face of God, it's not supposed to be something that you can quite figure out the visage or purpose of at first glance. Paradise would befuddle and shock the average human being into catatonia.

F**k yeah, keep the typo. It goes with the ebb and flow of the piece.

I find you in the halls

of my school

adjacent to me

in the office

where I work...

To me, this is the most powerful stanza in the Thing, man. A muse is often one thing, one person. A singular motivation. But this bit gives me the impression of a more plural motivation. A many-palmed prod in the right direction, or at least the best one at the time. It, a muse, is everywhere, and everything. A drink of water. A great pair of jugs. A winning smile. A dog's bark. The sky, the wind, Life, Death, a goddamn chocolate chip cookie....bits of The Muse are in all of these things, because these things are life, and what is life but a many fingered window through which we all peer at odd times?


If I were a musician...

you would undoubtedly be

the scale upon which

I improvise the blues.

This? Heh, this is just GREAT. I aint even gonna say why, as any lover of the composition of Real Tunes would know. That's you, man. You know. Hell, I know, we all know.

I aint here as much as I probably should be, especially not lately, but do me a favor. When you post, send 'em this way, bro.

Yer growing, man. You gestated for a while, but yer back and still changing. It's f****n excellent. I say keep it EXACTLY as it is.

Hawksmoor...From The Bleed.

[Amor-de-angel]

Your right when read aloud it sounds great. Has a lovely flow and I actually like those odd longer lines in it which maybe make you think it looks funny. I really loved it. Maybe keep going back to it and you may feel the need to change pieces,editing is never a bad thing,I do it many times.
Great write,keep writing them