Is That Alright...With You?

 

 

I've...

pushed the last month or so off my cheek, I've never seen October leave a mark

maybe it's mascara this time, smudged on my face, the leftover stain of tears...

and I slip my thumb over the area...

where he used to lay, when I wake at two a.m.

and discover the texture of despair.

He's drinking me in, the memory of us, the rooms speed,

ninety miles an hour through my memory

and our years blur, but I can still capture his smile....

if I wave my hand fast enough before

two a.m. opens her eyes

and lets me discover the tick tocking horror of reality.

If I close my eyes slowly enough he may be here, next to me

maybe I'll feel his skin and put a halt on my decisions, I'm

(not doing well, you know)

twisted behind the memories, and two a.m. is unforgiving as I wait

hopelessly

for his breath.

My calves are disappearing, I'm dissolving into nothing

this sick diet of depression

and how do I tell him I can't fly? How do I tell him...

it won't matter if I fall, I don't have

wings

anymore...

they broke at

two a.m.

when I studied the shattered feeling of

hope..

 

 

 

Reviews

[Markymark]

Well,

This evokes a very very real feeling of loss. Instead of showing in story form, you have achieved a mosiac effect by penning fragments of thoughts until the reader sees you.

this stanza:

He's drinking me in, the memory of us, the rooms speed,


ninety miles an hour through my memory


and our years blur, but I can still capture his smile....


if I wave my hand fast enough before


two a.m. opens her eyes


and lets me discover the tick tocking horror of reality.


this stanza makes me think of another woman. You use "Her" instead of my. The you and the her juxtaposed in meanings by not so worded. A very intriguiging write, which I enjoyed immensely. (No I am not sadistic, I just love the expression of this poem)

Mark

[Jolie Blossom]

I really love this. A lot. I like the last stanza. It's like a combination of a poem and story and you so beautifully captured the perfect balance. Great job :)

[Kelly Scheppers]

There is something amazing about a writer when they become like an insatiable thirst, for more. You leave me in awe, and simply proud to be a poet!

My best,
Kelly

[Antonio Valentino]

Jean, your writing is so honest and real, I could read you all day. This reminds me of a poem I wrote about a going out of love sale with a loveseat for sale, half of it, brand new.

Sad story, lovely writing as always.

[cest la vie]

Such a disturbingly, beautiful write. Ironic, 2am for you, it was 3am for me..
The loss and loneliness just fly out of your phrases.
Very well written, very well..

[Perdition]

Written like a ghost looming over the landscape of despair. You're locked into two am because it's locked into you ..a perfect ledge. And a wonderful place to write from. Loved it...Pushing "months" off your cheek...wow.