Still Screaming

My world today is a pallet of grey
like the skies above without my love
in the thermals the eagles soar
within my heart the feelings roar
crystal grey clouds shadow my life
the joy I hoped for has become strife
ascending on wind my eagles take flight
wheeling and turning till out of my sight
they've spent their day dancing for me
weaving and playing between the trees
my happiness with them seems to be gone
over shadowed by feeling I do not belong
they cascade with grace above the slate sands
diving and rising in their life demands
I've walked the beach to watch them play
why is my joy in it gone with this day
the answer is there I won't speak it out loud
with my mind and heart in the fog of this cloud
anon my dark cloud has clothed my light
and become prostrate hopes that were bright
where is my warmth and the glow of its coals
the war and the peace dividing our souls
the things I believe have met a brick wall
to the heart of another I have given a call
It has taken no comfort in words I have given
the displays of my heart which I have striven
I have made my soul naked to open his eyes
perhaps like my past he sees it as lies
you know nothing as nothing he gave
even if my heart to him is a slave
god of my heart where is my release
why can't I shelve it and be at peace
my mountains, beach sand, birds and her rains
with joy I walked them the treasures I gained
my fields weren't fallow or so I thought
but fertile within the heart that you wrought
the steel of the plow raketh my ground
and soil that bleeds is what I have found
the one I could trust and my soul bare
the joys of my heart that we could share
the rich treasures I found in his mind
reflecting his heart that's so hard to find
soil that is rich and teeming with growth
prolific in thoughts to give up I am loath
with tears I have begged that I understand
how my heart could have fallen so hard for this man
barely two meetings with so little time
the first time I saw him , I wanted him mine
the thought that I had before I first spoke
was us on a mountain and my exile broke
the depth I saw lying deep in his eyes
in that well I have fallen but is it disguise
if I choose to refuse will my heart endure
how can I know if the feeling is pure
Never have such thoughts entered my mind
how can I know if their making me blind
I've laid them before you god of my soul
will they break me or make me whole