That night....

the dark night that changed it all...the night that saw no day......

It's post mid night

as the phone rings...

he reaches to it

almost in shivers to see her name flashing...

he answers the call...

"Hello" she says

his heart skips a beat

as he hears her voice...

stirring the deepest of his cores

he'd been dying to hear her

ever since they last fought...

but his heart sank low...scared as to what made her call

his lip quivers as he talks...

 

his fears came true as she spoke those dredged words

"I'm stepping out of your life...I just can't take it anymore..."

before he could get a hold of his dying self

and that heart  that just stopped beating

before any word could escape his frozen self

she hung up on him with a last "good bye"....................

 

He dropped to his knees

as tears escaped his eyes

he lay there on the ground

his black heart burnt in pain.....

 

Everthing stood still in the silence

his loss the darkness mourns

as died a heart full of love

at the hands of hate filled thorns...

 

"His heart was truly shattered that night

he lost his vibrant soul

he swore to die with her memories

rather than just let go...."

 

 

 

Reviews

[Jason]

This is deep and powerful. I really like the way it captures the two sides after a fight, where one is ready to move on and the other is more excited about the chance at their love again. Really well written, and in all honesty it kind of reminds me of my past a bit. Thank you for sharing. I am going to add this to my favs if you don't mind.

[ABitBrokenPoetry]

"Everthing stood still in the silence
his loss the darkness mourns
as died a heart full of love
at the hands of hate filled thorns..." love this stanza. this is a dark and sad but beautiful poem. nothing hurts more than love. i like the subtle flow this poem has & the emotions it conjures up. a brilliant and beautiful write!

[Ebs]

That was raw emotion. Loved it :) I thought the setting out of the poem, the stanza's, Red font and Italics made it really interesting to read and brought dimension to the poem. The feelings were well portrayed and the imagery was beautiful. Great Write!

Ebs

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Wow.. this one brought a tear to my eye.. really sad. Over the phone makes it sadder.. how we love to see that other person's phone number or name come up on the display.. or these days hear their ringtone... lol.. this one started out with that feeling of hope and then flowed into crashing reality.. that reality that soooo burns the soul! I sure hope that she reconsiders if this is real.. if not then hopefully you find someone worthy of waiting for them! The truth hurts but .. always have to pick yourself back up in the game of love.. and move forward... taking the positive from anything you may have learned... hard to think that way when just splitting up. I can relate to the let down felt here.. I will hope for better days ahead for you! Thank you so much for sharing! =)

[XxLovexLuckyxX]

This was amazing. I loved it. Wonderful job.

[Rebecca]

Wow, that is a very intense piece that you've written. You truly uncovered the pain felt through a breakup, and how much it really hurts when you don't want it to fall through. I feel as though I can relate to this story you have put together, very beautifully done.

[QuietPoet]

Wow. This formed tears in my eyes. Very powerful write here. Deep emotions run through this. Nicely done. I love it.

[Touché Armada]

I really like this and its been a while and then it seems the requests trickle.. thanks for sending me something I liked to read.

Just one little hiccup

"as died a heart full of love"

Its not quite right and I'm hopeless and hapless with punctuation myself so its tricky trying to tell you what might need to be done to this line, I think and you better not trust me cause I do a lot of useless thinking but I think if you write it like .. as died; a heart full of love .. thats better flow?
Anyway other than that its good.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

That was certainly powerfully intense... what a phenomenal description of a heartache.

[SamBug]

Very emotional and good!