I love the repetition, or rather the literal rhythm given to it by the structure. Additionally you create a piece that sweeps through the senses, clever. Very enjoyable.
"I am the heart that's broken
screaming the words unspoken
I am the rock, the wall
That stands even while others fall."
by far my favorite lines of this poem. An amazing write filled with emotion and passion. one of my favorites :)
You're quite the complicated guy...haha. No, this was really great! I loved all the comparisons and descriptions that make up you!
"I am clarity and confusion
A realistic illusion"
Realistic illusion...isn't that an oxymoron? :p And what's with the "ehh"? This was amazing, a real insight to your thoughts ans who you are. I especially like:
"I am the heart that's broken
screaming the words unspoken"
We're all that broken heart at some point...so that was vividly real. All in all, really great poem. Nice to meet you! Haha ;p
"I am the wind that blows
Giving you shivers as it goes...
I am the water that flows
Leaving you cold as it touches your toes..."
I love this bit. It's like it just poured out of you, like it had to be said.
"I am the fire that burns
With passion and aggression that churns..."
I'd probably cut down the amount of syllables in this one, and leave one 'ssion' word out. It's a bit of a mouthful.
"I am a vivid dream
My voice a silent scream..."
Great line. But this makes you sound a little powerless, whereas the atmosphere of the poem is defiance. Then again, this poem shows a lot of different sides of one person, so on further reflection, it fits in.
"I am the one phenomenon
That jus has no justification..."
Like that first line, hate the second. The word 'just' has no meaning here. It's like a filler word, and I hate it. (Gee, harsh much?) The word 'justification' smacks of judges and prison, etc, and I'm not sure that's the idea you want to convey. It sort of drags me out of the poem and makes me think of more sordid and scornful matters than what you're talking about.
"I am the one and only
Both evil and holy...
I am the wicked wise
Who dons the unmasked disguise..."
The last two lines, I enjoyed. The first two I liked the idea, but it just I don't know. It doesn't sit with me, I guess.
"I am clarity and confusion
A realistic illusion..."
I love the way the words click together here.
"I am the silent reprise
A phoenix rising with each sad demise..."
I like the way you acknowledge the sadness aspect of the phoenix's birth, unlike most.
"I am the heart thats broken
screaming the words unspoken..."
Typo here. It should be "that's" instead of "thats".
"I am the rock, the wall
That stands even while others fall..."
The meaning is very clear here, a refreshing and well-timed change from all the more abstract concepts that just came.
"I dont care what you judge me by cos there's a lot more to me than what meets your eye..."
If I were you, I'd cut down on the amount of syllables used here. And I think you should end with a bold statement, rather than just having more ellipses trailing off like this
(Just one thing I have to say: you use too many ellipses for any of them to be effective. It provides a sort of uncertain, unfinished look to the poem. And uncertain certainly isn't something that this defiant poem is.)
A note on the poem as a whole: it's awesome. It's a message that people either relate to or wish they could relate to, and that's the mark of a powerful poem. This certainly is powerful. Well done!
Great passion and feeling of emotions pouring out some of what is human! The bad and the good.. the strength and weakness... although this certainly shows you are a pillar of strength .. flowing through this entire writing. We are all many things.. much more than can be judged by appearance. This is a great tribute and message of not to judge people based on how they look or even sound. The rhythm and rhyme are great.. I sensed undertones of quiet rage.. the sense of feeling judged by others .. great job showing the world ... you are you! Your ending is superb:
I am the heart thats broken
screaming the words unspoken...
I am the rock, the wall
That stands even while others fall...
Even in the strongest winds of life.. you have managed to stand tall and proud! Thank you so much for sharing! =)