[untitled]

torn into pieces...still not willing to give up... ( just don't know how to title this one...)

Am bruised, am battered...
am broken, am shattered...
knowing you feel I'll never understand you...

i can go all cold...
putting my life on a hold...
but what is it to you...
cos I'll never show...

you going through a lot...
and you feel i just ain't there...
am hiding all my pain...
just to wipe your share...

am giving everything i can...
reaching you with an outstretched hand...
but what is it to you...
cos you still feel that I'll never understand...

what is it that i lack...
what expectations do i fail to meet...
cos all i ever had...
is right there at your feet...

all i wanted was just a smile...
but whenever i take a step to you...
am pushed beyond a mile...

there are times when i feel i just cant take it...
yet this heart still cries " yes we can make it"...
they say somethings are meant to be...
and maybe it is "you and me"...

am willing to take the rudeness,
am willing to take the blame...
just to turn away your sadness...
i will walk through this flame...

I'll face his endless test...
and even if my eyes shut...
my soul will never rest...

people say it's "destiny"...
but i shall fight my own...
rip me apart, thrash me, throw me...
or even cut me down...

but I'll walk, I'll limp, I'll crawl...
even thou a thousand times i may fall...
but I'll still move towards you...
cos i just know "i love you"...

and i just won't ever let you slip away....

Author's Note

just put my feelings down in this one...my tears, my blood, my cries...my determination of wanting to try endlessly...
P.S- do help me title this one...suggestions, critiques welcome....

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

Very Hartfelt and deeply emotional... I see images of inner thought and emotion and outer effect. I saw the burning questions of "what if?" show up as well.

With what I saw... here's a few possible titles.

"If-ing the Onions layers"
"The Eye-Oh of Inner Reflection"
"Peeling the inner facets of my thoughts"

Just idea's :)

[17thWhitePrince]

wow ... very well written indeed ... a really really good piece ... I liked it ... :)

[Tiana]

Deep emotions written so wonderfully ...

[Jwana Creer Yeshua]

Very good my friend. I see your feeling coming through this one like a fire catching the flame. What if? is used a lot in this poem. But lets take a deeper look at it. You are showing your feeling to someone. I don't know who this person is I am guessing it is a women. You are telling her that you will doing anything for this love if she would just give you the light of day. You love her but she is to scared to let go of the past. You tell her I will take your pain away let me carry all the hurt that is inside you. So I think that this poem should be called this.

"Willingness"

Willingness because you will fight to the end to see that your dreams will come true.

[The High Poet]

This poem is too good to go untitled. You need to come up with something as powerful as your words.

[~angelalala~]

"am willing to take the rudeness,
am willing to take the blame...
just to turn away your sadness...
i will walk through this flame..." i really love these lines. this is a very emotional, heartfelt write. one suggestion: 'cos' = because or 'cause. :) i love the intensity of this poem. as far as a title, there are several things you could do, you could go with something simple like 'you and me' or i really like the sentence "even thou a thousand times i may fall" you could even pull a sentence out of this & use it as the title such as "a thousand times i fall" or "i may fall" or something like that. only suggestions. a great piece deserves a title. & this is a great write.

[poetic soul]

its heartwarning at the same time heart wrenching....lovely piece it is........ :)

with title, how about:

"giving in-not for me"
"i will write my fate"
or
"alive"

the poem was really hard hitting!! bravo man!!! u need guts to say this........

:) Smiles,
Poetic Soul

[Penny Dreadful]

"what is it that i lack...
what expectations do i fail to meet... "

these lines really hit me.

well done.

xxxx

[Michael X]

really great piece, the emotional play is brilliantly expressed and draws the readers heart to ponder
such sorrows in our own lives and desire what it takes to overcome adversity, and what strength means
to endure through trials thst either break or make the heart, this certainly shows an overcoming.

[RaindropsRoses93]

This is an amazing write, I love the passion you put into and the emotion that you can feel just by reading it. Heart break can be a horrible thing to come back from as I know now. the poem of mine you reviewed is about my uncle. He killed himself 3 weeks ago to the day and I am still coping with the heart break. I am here to talk if you need :)

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Fantastic writing.. the emotions are so blatantly clear and filled me with hope.. love.. a vision of a better life ahead!!! As we all must walk, limp and crawl to reach our final destination which in this case is love... such passion and I truly admire this piece 100%.. the object of such an affection is sooo very lucky! It's an honour to read this writing!