[untitled]

torn into pieces...still not willing to give up... ( just don't know how to title this one...)

Am bruised, am battered...
am broken, am shattered...
knowing you feel I'll never understand you...

i can go all cold...
putting my life on a hold...
but what is it to you...
cos I'll never show...

you going through a lot...
and you feel i just ain't there...
am hiding all my pain...
just to wipe your share...

am giving everything i can...
reaching you with an outstretched hand...
but what is it to you...
cos you still feel that I'll never understand...

what is it that i lack...
what expectations do i fail to meet...
cos all i ever had...
is right there at your feet...

all i wanted was just a smile...
but whenever i take a step to you...
am pushed beyond a mile...

there are times when i feel i just cant take it...
yet this heart still cries " yes we can make it"...
they say somethings are meant to be...
and maybe it is "you and me"...

am willing to take the rudeness,
am willing to take the blame...
just to turn away your sadness...
i will walk through this flame...

I'll face his endless test...
and even if my eyes shut...
my soul will never rest...

people say it's "destiny"...
but i shall fight my own...
rip me apart, thrash me, throw me...
or even cut me down...

but I'll walk, I'll limp, I'll crawl...
even thou a thousand times i may fall...
but I'll still move towards you...
cos i just know "i love you"...

and i just won't ever let you slip away....

Author's Note

just put my feelings down in this one...my tears, my blood, my cries...my determination of wanting to try endlessly...
P.S- do help me title this one...suggestions, critiques welcome....

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

Very Hartfelt and deeply emotional... I see images of inner thought and emotion and outer effect. I saw the burning questions of "what if?" show up as well.

With what I saw... here's a few possible titles.

"If-ing the Onions layers"
"The Eye-Oh of Inner Reflection"
"Peeling the inner facets of my thoughts"

Just idea's :)

[Touché Armada]

Just a tiny thing...

there are times [wen] i feel i just cant take it...

"when"

I dont do the whole oops look something to tidy but I will because this is nice and tidy makes it nicer.

[Touché Armada]

Have been reading you for a while now and finally got kicked over the compelled to leave a review point. I really like this, the rawness of it and the bluntness as well.. perhaps thats what its all about just being blunt, there are too many sharp knives of people around really and its taken the edge of the softness of humanity, friendship, love interests, life, and left an abrupt edge on one wants to go over. It might be an untitled piece but I can totally understand when your screaming volumes in just titles and meaning and get the message. Its worth the read tenfold to gain a title for sure. I love it.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

awesome! i was really feeling this one. why? bec i've been there, i've been in your shoes so many times. pleading, bleeding, crying for mercy, to some fool who i thought was my "salvation" but really he caused dying to occur in my soul. sometimes, when we are in love, or think we are in love, we do some things we never thought we could do. and emotions bond us in a web.

i enjoyed this poem. thanks for sharing. stop by anytime.

[Ryan Heisel]

i sort of agree with Pax Analogs comment, but at the same time I have to say that sometimes the strongest emotions can create the best art. if you fixed a few minor flow issues this could be a great poem. keep up the work you have great potential.

[Brianna Brie]

I've Fallen Inside of You ~ title suggestion

i can go all cold...
putting my life on a hold...
but what is it to you...
cos I'll never show...

what is it that i lack...
what expectations do i fail to meet...
cos all i ever had...
is right there at your feet...

all i wanted was just a smile...
but whenever i take a step to you...
am pushed beyond a mile...

If it were me...she needs to be told you love her. She knows it, but wants to hear it. In her craziness, she pushes you away in her stupid attempts to get you to admit your feelings. It doesn't work and she hurts.

people say it's "destiny"...
but i shall fight my own...
rip me apart, thrash me, throw me...
or even cut me down...

but I'll walk, I'll limp, I'll crawl...
even thou a thousand times i may fall...
but I'll still move towards you...
cos i just know "i love you"...

I have to say there is nothing wrong with loving so deep. Totally don't agree with Pax's comments. You have a precious heart that is commitment to love even when it hurts. It is passionate and a rare jewel to find in another. As always, you move me with your words. A pleasure to read.

[Pax Analog]

Why does everybody go along with this?

Wake up, people.

This is how it works: Love fiercely, openly, courageously. If this is not returned, be empathic but move on. There is nothing staunch about wallowing.

There are billions of humans on the planet. Whatever belongs to you, belongs to you. Whatever doesn't, doesn't. We don't even get to keep what DOES more or less belong to us.

So don't bite on the soap opera knee-jerk woman's embrace of this, pal. Apply your obsessional energy to transformative work -- for art, Spirit, planet.

I've read 2 of your 3 requests, and feel forced to be "Simon Cowell" (I never effin' watch "Idol," but know who the "ouch" guy is).

You ever see the original "Bedazzled" (NOT the remake)? The hapless Dudley Moore character in his attempt to get a deal from the Devil that works (Peter Cook) is a kind of tender-hearted Andy Gibb (for wont of a better example) crooner at one point, gushing puppy-like to the oohs and ahhhs of the teeny-bopper crowd. Well, the Devil follows suit w/a proto-emo performance, along the lines of, "I don't want you/I don't need you/You fill me with inertia/Go away" -- and yep, the little grrrl's wet their knickers even MORE.

Be obsessed with being a kick-a*s artist with a sense of Spirit-Mind's power in the world. The rest is bullshit.

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

Very good...i liked it...ummm my suggestion for a title would be Stay with me or Not giving up
something like that...those just came to my mind...just to give you some ideas...my other suggestion is to read again yourself...and what ever comes to your mind first for a title you should put that...just a thought you dont have to.

Great Job :)

[Spoken]

very heartfelt emotional piece. You clearly have some deep cuts of love. You're a true romantic in love to be willing to stand by her even when she turns away.

hey how about "the deep cut of love" or something along those lines... just an idea..

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

I like the last lines as a title 'Won't Ever Let You Slip Away' - but that is just me. Great depth of emotion expressed in this work. Thank you for sharing so much of your special heart and soul.
Light,
Siddartha

[SallyS29]

A very expressive write, displaying a range of deep emotions.

Don't let anyone else title your work� you'll find the right title when it time�