[untitled]

torn into pieces...still not willing to give up... ( just don't know how to title this one...)

Am bruised, am battered...
am broken, am shattered...
knowing you feel I'll never understand you...

i can go all cold...
putting my life on a hold...
but what is it to you...
cos I'll never show...

you going through a lot...
and you feel i just ain't there...
am hiding all my pain...
just to wipe your share...

am giving everything i can...
reaching you with an outstretched hand...
but what is it to you...
cos you still feel that I'll never understand...

what is it that i lack...
what expectations do i fail to meet...
cos all i ever had...
is right there at your feet...

all i wanted was just a smile...
but whenever i take a step to you...
am pushed beyond a mile...

there are times when i feel i just cant take it...
yet this heart still cries " yes we can make it"...
they say somethings are meant to be...
and maybe it is "you and me"...

am willing to take the rudeness,
am willing to take the blame...
just to turn away your sadness...
i will walk through this flame...

I'll face his endless test...
and even if my eyes shut...
my soul will never rest...

people say it's "destiny"...
but i shall fight my own...
rip me apart, thrash me, throw me...
or even cut me down...

but I'll walk, I'll limp, I'll crawl...
even thou a thousand times i may fall...
but I'll still move towards you...
cos i just know "i love you"...

and i just won't ever let you slip away....

Author's Note

just put my feelings down in this one...my tears, my blood, my cries...my determination of wanting to try endlessly...
P.S- do help me title this one...suggestions, critiques welcome....

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

Very Hartfelt and deeply emotional... I see images of inner thought and emotion and outer effect. I saw the burning questions of "what if?" show up as well.

With what I saw... here's a few possible titles.

"If-ing the Onions layers"
"The Eye-Oh of Inner Reflection"
"Peeling the inner facets of my thoughts"

Just idea's :)

[Katherine Wyatt]

The determination of Love as it works through its process... the frustration and angst are so raw and powerful..A wonderful piece that tears at the heart!

[BABSIE BEE]

"I'd Die For You" comes immediately to mind as a title. Strong emotions here. Luvvin it !! Thanks.
BBXX

[Enigma]

Wow! Just wow...
I loved this poem from beginning, right till the end. You put down your throughts into words really well, in a way where people can relate to it. That's great, for it surely leaves an impact on the reader's heart and mind.
I simply loved the rhymes u've put in at places.

"there are times when i feel i just cant take it...
yet this heart still cries " yes we can make it"... "

[sisyqueen2008]

awesome job. the words you used were perfect! keep striving and don't ever stop!

[Linda Stinson]

I think I would title this poem, "I Tried"
I feel like that is what I am enduring right now, the "I tried, syndrome." When you have tried your best and it is not good enough, disapointment sets in like stone. There is heavinest in the heart that signals "failure" then here comes the wall that tries to barricade against the pain. And the funny thing is that no matter how I feel, I will still try again.

[Slender Smile/Husna Tay..]

Sad and yet beautiful....
So deep and cutting are ur feelings barricade?
These were the lines which touched me......

"but I'll walk, I'll limp, I'll crawl...
even thou a thousand times i may fall...
but I'll still move towards you...
cos i just know "i love you"...

and i just won't ever let you slip away.... "


The person u love is truly a lucky one.....but very unlucky tooif they do not understand the depth of them...:(
My best wishes to u and ur love.

A few of the possible titles could be:
"Tears of my Heart"
"Love's painful journey"
"Torn pieces of my heart"
"Tale of a hurt Soul"

Please let me know after u have finally got ur title.....:)
I would love to know.

[Sacred & By Your Si..]

nicely done..could always call it torn

[Kelley]

I would call this... " Walking Through the Endless Flame."

I loved this poem! It was very heart feldt and I coulf feel
your pain. I had a girl friend like this once and she almost
drove me insane.

Great write thanks for sharing.

Kelley

[Shellie]

why dont you just call it torn into pieces, got that from your description line. The writing, i like it. Its very deep and realistic feelings portrayed of trying to hang there.

[sisyqueen2008]

so... so .... great. it was full of emotion & everything! i think that that's what poetry's for; expressing yourself :). title how about "Holding In", "Keep going", "Survivior"