goodbye

written late one summer night while i was intoxicated with maroon 5

She lies

alone in the dark,

Music plays softly,

The soothing voice tries

to lull her to sleep

But tonight is not for sleeping.

Tonight is for thinking.

Her eye lids are heavy,

But her mind is full,

Thinking of excitement,

Dreaming of love,

Speaking softly,

Remembering quietly,

As to not disturb

the air around her.

 

A fan rotates slowly,

Bringing a cool breeze.

But still tiny beads of sweat threaten

to break the meditation,

Of her remembering

the smell of the cologne…

the happiness in his eyes…

the taste of his kiss that lingers on her lips.

 

Her cheek touches the pillow

and her hair falls in her face.

She can hear his voice,

And he says to her

“It doesn’t matter to me”.

She smiles to herself.

as he reassures her of her beauty.

Though he is miles away,

She feels

his arms around her…

his breath on her neck…

She listens

to the rhythm of his breathing…

And the beating of his heart…

The one that belongs to her.

She remembers the way he dances

slowly stepping…

perfectly in time…

Better than she could ever imagine to be.

 

Trees sway gently outside the open window,

And the sight makes her restless.

She rolls over to see his smile,

But finds her faithful blanket

always by her side…

aleeping forever on the pillow…

She grabs it tightly

and pulls it close…

looking for comfort…

She finds that it neither

looks…

smells…

feels…

or sounds like him…

It only reminds her of loneliness.

 

So she flips onto her back,

And the ceiling is there,

Blocking her sight,

For she cannot see the stars

they once shared.

She can’t feel the rain

they danced in.

She can’t smell the air

they walked in.

Nothing can satisfy her desire

to touch…

to smell…

to hear…

to feel…

just to be near him once more.

 

Another hour has past,

The music tells her so.

She resets it once again,

“Just 30 minutes more perhaps” she thinks.

She dares not look at the clock,

For it will rush her to sleep,

And to sleep is to dream,

And dreams aren’t nearly as good as thinking.

Instead of feeling

his tight embrace,

She will see

the distance between them,

As he walks away.

 

She turns on the TV,

To find boring midnight

or rather early morning shows.

The TV goes off.

A book lay in front of her nightstand,

But the darkness is so much more private,

So much better for

Remembering…

It is so much easier

to say her mind in the dark…

Than feel like someone’s watching

in the light.

 

She faces the ceiling again,

And this time,

closes her eyes.

She sees the room…

and she hears the song.

His hands leave hers

for the first time in months.

He turns and walks

leaving her on the dance floor.

To stand there stupidly

wondering if he had just said,

That horrible word.

A drop of water rolls down her cheek.

Sweat?

No…

unmistakably a tear.

She takes a deep breath,

And reminds herself of the pain,

As she says the word

that makes her cry

“Goodbye”