slowly dying from the inside

this is how i feel everyday, i write to release the pain cause i feel like i have no one to listen to me

It’s dark and cold everyday of my life. It’s harsh and painful and I have no safe place I could ever run to. I think I hear pounding outside every night, only to realize that the pounding is coming from within my own mind. It wants to be free, it wants to be free so that it can take over me, to make me it’s slave. It tears me apart and at all the walls I’ve put up to try and keep it out. It’s tearing at the walls of my consciousness every chance that it gets, Screaming and laughing like there’s nothing that I can do about it, and that it is my weakness… I’m a prisoner in my own mind and I’ve accepted that I can never be free and they will win. There’s something inside of me that makes me want to feed it, this dark grey coldness that makes me want to walk towards my bathroom and grab razor and put it against my skin… My arm is numb, so I return to my room, a paper towel wrapped around my wrist and arm. I ignore the stinging as I fall onto my bed, just staring at the ceiling, listening to the rage inside of me trying to destroy me. Listening to the voices in my head of how much a failure and how weak I am. Soon I fall asleep and the walls collapse around me. The demons inside of me they tell me it is "only depression."

Reviews

[Elemenopy]

Interesting, unsettling, but honestly, if this piece had not been so short I probably would not have finished reading it. I am all for tragedy, or the dark dealings of the mind, but I find myself wondering about this piece. For one, I want to relate with the narrator.

This excerpt would be perfect for a story that allows us some insight into who we are dealing with. Is this you? If it is, who are you? Is there an underlying reason for these thoughts, and if so, lead us up to it.

Part of any story is relating with the character(s). I believe that you can go far with this if you do just a little bit of work to it. By no means is it terrible, or even bad, it just left me wondering because there is so much more that can be addressed.

I think you have talent, I caught a few grammar and continuity problems, but for the most part it flows fairly well. I hope you keep on writing, because you could generate some really incredible work. Dark, mysterious, even crazy :D I like the genre. Best of luck!

[Dewella~Vintella]

There are going to be a lot of people who are going to read this and tell you they don't like it, that they don't agree with your feelings and what not, maybe even be harsh with you about your reading. All I want to say is don't listen to them. You wrote in your description that this is how you feel everyday, and you are entitled to your feelings.

No one can take that away from you, your feelings, your opinions, all yours, and if someone does not like it, then they should not waste your time by commenting and being mean about it.

Now that I got that out of the way, you did very good. Lots of emotion and depth. I only suggest that you separate into a few sections and look over your punctuation, just like in the last piece.

You have decent grammar, and good flow to what you write. Your are very good at expressing yourself and getting it down to where it makes sense to the reader. Its not what your writing that needs a little work, its how you write it.

Again, good job and keep it up. Let me know if you have any questions. :)

Vinny~