Unloveable Lover

A writing made about a child struggling with the interpersonal relationships with others (commonly found in bpd), and the thought process.

When the seasons change,, will you stay? For this part of me too, shall differ. I’m not the type of person who can be the same. One moment I can smile, the world is fuzzy and I would have my own warmth to keep the freeze at bay, the next I could be breaking. Minor inconveniences do such to me. I do not believe in love, and thus, I cannot believe I could ever be craved for. I do not think someone could understand me so well that my faults are overlooked. Should this… ”personality” of mine scare the people away, at the least I know that they could have some sort of feeling to me. May it be fear or hatred, tis wholly better than neglect. In full honesty, I too, fear myself. The entirety that makes up who I am instills terror even to myself. I know I can love infinitely, unconditionally, unbearably so. And thus it makes it even harder to be seen, to be heard, to be loved. Truly, I don’t know if I could commit. But I know, when I do someday choose to, the pain will be that much worse. Could someone fully love me, even if one second I would love them, and not even the next I could want to leave them, leave everyone? I wouldn't imagine so. So, in return of this gift of observance, of intelligence, of depth, I can give. I will give. To those who don’t know, and to those who don’t have; I shall give and give. Because if I cannot be loved, I shall love instead. Never too much, but never not enough. 

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

be nice to your children.

[Henri]

You catch the eternal delemna of love in your poem; can it be unrequited and still be love? So you double-down on giving love, which is as much love as you may ever experience. Still, finding the you that you doubt others will find is a starting place.