Never Said No

For C.W. and her strength.

I knew a girl that 

if she were to read this right now

all of it, she would kill me. 

Personal involvement was never her specialty. 

She told me one day why she would cry after

sex, when I said I loved her, when I was around. 

She was young and dumb, like most girls

in their teens. She dated away her life

and, something else, to a man who had nothing against

taking what he wanted from her.

It was a bad night, sometimes I hate to think about it.

Thrusting upon her, the ripping of skin, the feel of blood. 

She muttered one word, but not enough

to be heard.

"No." 

Beads of sweat blossoming on his forehead

like ripe poisonous fruits budding in the humid forest

of his face. They tumble and splash on her lips, nose, eyes, cheeks.

Then he says, "I love you." Beer breath. Strong stench.

"No."

"Say it back."

The pressure. The pain. She bled down her thigh and wanted 

to clean it up but he had her crucified to the bed. She didn't want

to see the color of her sheets. 

"I love you too." 

Or maybe it went something like this

with the strong words I read from others.

White virgin canvas, pierced by 

guilt's rusty c**k. Tearing the snowy sheet

apart, leaving its mark that it

was never its own but rather

his. No is just a word for little kids and

stupid dogs and cats. No 

doesn't do 

a goddamn thing. 

We never developed anything serious, I like to think

of what it was and what it could have been.

We're close friends. I guess that's why

I'm the only one she told this to. 
"Talk about it." I tell her.

"No, I don't want to."

"It'll make you feel better."

"Please, I don't want to."

"I'm never happy." She tells me.

"Why?" 

"You know why. I'm content but I'm never happy."

"What about your boyfriend? Doesn't he make you happy."

"No, he makes me content. I can't even have sex with him without." She pauses

trails off

bites her lip, maybe thinking she could have screamed no

or ran away

told somebody sooner.

"Without thinking about it."

I saw him one day when I was working.

Tall country boy, a little heavy. He was dressed

in his work clothes but he didn't come here

to buy boots or jeans.

He approached her

and started talking to her.

And I 

I couldn't stand it. I walked to him

fists clenched

I wanted to break his face and while he screamed "No"

I would not stop. He would know. 

But I didn't do it. And for some reason

I even forgave him. 

She'll never forgive him and some days

I think if I were to ever see him again

I would tell forgiveness to turn its head for a spell.

Author's Note

I randomly wrote this. So it probably sucks. Enjoy!