Things That Shouldn't Have Mattered- A Short Chapter

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wow.

heard she had her baby.

afraid to call you.

afraid to lose it again.

afraid of love.

afraid of anger.

 

kevin is leaving.

i don't want him to.

he's a really good guy.

i wish you got to know him,

you two would get along.

 

i wrote you a note one time,

"you think you don't get enough attention now?

wait until the baby is actually born!"

i never sent it, of course

it was one of many times i was mad at you.

 

i'm afraid of hurting you.

and i know i can't do anything.

not to you,

but i'm afraid of being something,

and not living up to it,

you know?

 

like,

being your girlfriend,

but not acting like it.

like,

being your something,

but not doing anything.

like,

being your friend,

but hating you, and fighting with you.

 

why me?

 

why did you ever want to know me?

 

i don't understand.

there are so many other girls.

and you have your own list.

of them,

girls who would

run to you,

no matter what.

girls who would

do whatever you want to do,

as long as they're with you.

girls who

'put out'

 

unlike,

me.

 

our fight.

the big one.

scarred me.

i had never seen that part of you.

 

drunk.

 

destiny- she complained about it to this one guy, will, one time.

i had to get up and walk away

she knew what she was doing.

she was talking to him,

but purposely hurting me.

 

gah.

 

i remember,

after,

that she was all over you,

all the time.

 

lucas, oscar, everybody,

during the last weeks of us,

told me over

and over

 

"you know he's cheating on you right?"

 

ag.

 

how about that time,

when we were something,

and you were dating her,

that i saw you talking to somebody random

"i don't even like her! i wish she would just die."

i heard that and laughed.

you gave me that look you give me when you said

"give me a hug"

and opened your arms,

and that made me laugh.

 

miss those days.

we were pretty close,eh?

 

either that, or you were just messing with my head the entire time.

 

is it's name really cameron cruz?

i want to see it.

i'm afraid.

 

is cruz a family name?

because i don't think i would give my baby my brothers name.

but i don't know.

 

i hope things are going okay with you.

because i don't know.

 

hmm.

okay,

that's enough for now.

bye.