car ride thoughts 1/14/16

what i thought tonight on the way home

The only thing constant about me is the ongoing change in emotions. I haven't acted this way in God knows how long, maybe it's "that time of the month" or my hormones hate me for some reason unbeknownst to me, but no matter the reason, I'm going back and forth between happy and sad. But hate, however, is a feeling that mingles its way into either category. 

Things I Hate

I hate my inability to take a nap in this house because of the fear it might catch fire again

I hate how my grandmother never stops talking

I hate the smell of my dog

I hate how I'm always cold

I hate how my dad never turns his sarcasm off, and how my grandmother says it's his way of showing affection

I hate that I cry in school

I hate how I call them my parents but she's my grandma and my dad doesn't act like a Dad

I hate that the boy I like despises me

I hate that my best friend always has to be right

I hate Algebra

I hate my Personal Finance teacher for no reason other than she caught onto a mistake I made

I hate that a sign reading "Cotton Wood" has a picture of a tree, not a cotton plant

I hate how chapped my lips are

I hate how I feel ugly without makeup, but hidden with it on

I hate hate.

It's a feeling that grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me, every nerve ending in my body electrified and furious, even when I don't want them to be. Usually my anger is followed by an excessively large wave of sadness, and I can feel it coming over me now, hopefully the shore I wash up on will offer a more peaceful conclusion to my exhausting and never ending day.

Author's Note

This is just a winded rant that I wanted to publish so if that's not your cup of tea please take into consideration this is something important and relevant to only me, But ignore the list format I saw that as the only way to convey the things I hate in an effective manor