me, just me

woman online and the way i see it, the way it effects me and my brain.

I look at all these woman online, on tumbler and randomly on my facebook feed. I go from some what happy to down and anxious, it's all because of these attractive, curvy and very beautiful woman; I just want to be able to look at these woman and be inspired to loose weight but looking in a mirror before i go in the shower kills me it really does, I used to vomit and it wasnt doing so good for my stomach. It's weird to think about food and what we crave, a smoke, a drink even a bit of cold to run down our throat to feel it go down till it hits the stomach my stomach. Its so hard not to vomit in the shower, to force myself to; thats the way i felt in control at the start but it got to a point of me just using one hand to move the other away from my mouth and it looses sometimes and wins others . 

Author's Note

i will add more and take away but this is all i have for you