real?

How my brain isnt my brain now, its not even called that anymore. My dreams are no longer dreams they are nightmares upon nightmares.

I guess its come to a point where I feel unwanted...

I don't even want to wake up now, Ive been at this stage before but at the moment its so horrible. Breathing feels difficult even blinking; maybe I should just curl back into a ball and take one big breath until I fall a sleep but then when I fall a sleep I can not escape from my mind, the nightmares, monsters in my eyes and the sounds that I hear; I cant get away from this horrible, destroying, worthless un-heathy thing we call my brain but I sadly call it my fear.

Ive gotten to the point where I don't feel like me anymore, I was doing so great and getting better but it dropped; Im more stressed, fidgety and anxious at night and sick to my stomach. 

Maybe it's time to give in... Time to give in completely I do need help and thats what i'm getting, but I guess I need more help then just talking to someone in a room; Im not just talking to them i'm talking to the others in my head. We all do have others, we all talk to our selves but at this point I think they are taking over me more and i'm unable to control it as well as I used to.  

Im going to be honest at this point I don't want to lie in my writing, I am crying right now. Breathing deep and some what stopping, using my brown eyes to look at my screen, my fingers to type and using my mind to say how I feel; it scared m a little on how it all works a lot of things are confusing to be honest.

Listening to music like a racing care going around and making skids, i'm skipping music, re-playing them or just listening to every single word. 

The space between reality and fantasy is so close together now I actually don't know at this point what is real or just a dream.

I will stop at this point in time at night because if i don't ill go into over thinking and unwanted talking upon myself, makes me scared of what will come next.

Author's Note

sorry if this is bad...

Reviews

[aj milton]

Real or not, you paint a picture which captures a clear snapshot of someone's state of mind.

One thing that is real in my opinion... writing is a great stress reducer. Whether fantasy, fact or fiction - it can be cathartic and I'm sure that many writers would agree that it helps them unload in one way or another.

[Samantha]

yes i agree :)

[Sheraz]

Deep. Try not to talk to your thoughts you might be giving them power over your voice. You have a strong voice. Keep fighting.

[Samantha]

Thank you so much :)

[Morgan Bland]

It’s not bad at all. Which is to say this is excellent writing. You have a true talent for conveying your emotion and situation, one that many people struggle to put words to and instead try to shove their mind away from. Writing is often a healthy way of sorting through thoughts without the pressure speaking (at least for me) has of getting it clear the first time.

[Samantha]

thank you :)