Self-torture

One of my other thoughts

The temptations are getting worse, the thought of everything be so close to me makes me feel clostafobic; unable to get the thoughts away but I want help others around me as it makes me happy.

 

I don’t want to ruin anyones day  by saying I want to go home and cut my skin open one cut by another until I feel sick and needing to throw up, I try my best to be calm and happy but it just doesn’t stay long enough for me to get over the fact that I have all these mental health problems.

 

I used to be able to control myself, I’m oblivious to situations and how to act; freaking out once realizing that this feeling doesnt seem right not even a little bit.

This pain, unable to forgive myself over the years I have cut, why is it hard to breathe?

 

I get told to be calm and breathe, its not as easy as you think. Do people actually notice I’m gone, at this moment in time I’m writing this thought; no one has come looking for me, Im in the school grounds fighting this all alone.

 

Maybe I should just end it… I’m not sure I can do this for very much longer. I’m so stressed and shaking, I bite the sides of my nails on the skin; I bite off the skin in my mouth and my lip until it bleeds and stings.

 

I get asked if I’m okay I feel that I have to say I’m good or even great, I just don’t want to ruin anyone’s day but then it comes to people I really love and they don’t want me to lie to them; yet when I do tell them the truth  I sound like I’m attention seeking, maybe I am at this point nothing is working out, but for me at the age of 16 no one fully understands what happens to me at night when I cant sleep, when I have a panic attack or go and eat till my tummy hurts. 

My shower is my happy place but my worst nightmare. 

Author's Note

Does mention cutting and a few other things, don't read if you arnt ready to see the word again

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

You've got some grammar problems... like "needing to throwing up" and you also have a word economy problem. In terms of length you could cut this down by a third at least.

It's not bad but you should rewrite this and pay more attention to your grammar and focus, on a sentence level, on saying the same things with less words.

[Samantha]

Thank you, This was typed up when I was 16 I am now 19. I re-read it and fixed it up, I would love for you to read it again :)

[Sheraz]

You should listen to the birds singing on a beautiful day. If you listen carefully you’ll hear them prey.