Lord and Muse

I have a thing for muses

v2.0

My lord and muse, I need thy inspiration –
    you’ve got me hanging by a
        well-placed thread
the unattainable, unnamable, unbreakable
        link between us:
     electromagnetic attraction; a siren’s song
false forest of illusion
         from which we cannot long be separated
     bare-foot heels dance an old tango,
         no lack of smile in the light
I would not break this spell for the world



v1.0

you’ve got me hanging by a
                   well-placed thread
            something out of memory; unnamable
     the unspeakable link between us.
electromagnetism – attraction
         I cannot help but wander back,
     lose myself in our forest;
                    bare feet on wood and
                    the urge to just tell you –
My Lord and muse, I need your inspiration.

Author's Note

I'm trying to decide which version of this I prefer...I'd love opinions please!

Reviews

[Ed Rector]

i enjoyed the 1st of the 2, the v.2.0. It gave more and i think it helped link things better to an extent. i also enjoyed the display of it more.

[Collette]

Wow, they're both very good, and I like each piece for different reasons entirely. The first one is just stunning...the imagery and language are beautiful. Poetic in every sense of the word. My favorite lines:
electromagnetic attraction; a siren's song
false forest of illusion

Within the second poem, I feel as though it is more heart-felt and personal. I really connected with the speaker, and found myself relating to the poem immensely. You did an excellent job making it personal, but not overly "you". It's as if I can get a sense of what you were feeling, but also a sense of myself. A unique talent indeed.

Overall, I think the second piece serves as a better all-around poem. It's well structured, flows nicely, and gets the point across perfectly. Perhaps if you took a few lines from the first, and meshed them into two, it would satisfy your craving for both versions. Either way, they are both beautiful, and each have their own strong points. Thanks for sharing!

[Joseph - Michael]

For some strange reasons, I like the version underneath the other the best. But, really, it's all up to you to make it in any ways you'd like as long as you're happy with. If I were you, I'd take both of them and squash them together to make it more longer and interesting. But, hey, that's just me

Anyway, my vote is the 2nd one, just in case you ever decide to pick just one instead of cramming them together, so all is good here...

[Jared Kardos]

I kinda prefer the second one, though you could probably combine the two, have your cake and eat it too, but still pretty good. I know I feel religious sometimes when it comes to mine.

Now if you'll excuse me--I have to go and write now and my muse demands the blood of a French Canadian...

[Static C]

I think you should make it all one piece. I like the small contrasts between them. The repetition only makes the Imagery more evocative. Took Me to Narnia anyway. Whatever Wherever.

[Brandon Taylor-Black]

Hmmm, they are both extremely good in their own rights, but to me, I personally prefer v2.0. I don't know, something about it speaks to me more than the other version.
I found them both to be well worded and well written pieces.
Bravo on such good penmanship