Shatterwake

and when i open up my eyes
some bleeding future i will see
cut open by childish dreams,
and torn to pieces by "destiny"

what is this world i first perceive
among dew-drop leaves and half-smiles
that confuses my emotions,
and baffles my half-formed senses

what happened to the star-specked skies,
the forever expanses floating free
what twist of fate made them seem
but battered hopes and memories

so will i stand then, watching black stars
willing blind leaps of fate with open eyes,
closed minds, and questioning lips
while forever passes by, unnoticed

perhaps this world was no more than lies
a trail of instructions that we were to be
and yet, after so long a gleam
of truth, and suddenly, barren clarity

Reviews

[Misa]

wow. intense rhythm; each question asked opens the poem to deeper thought processes, althogh l have to admit it seemed like tenses were switching - l don't believe they were, but might require a re-read jus tto be sure they're all matching up. reading it out loud was quite nice though, loved the images.
there were a few typos, though:
"among dew-drop leaves and half-smiles
that confuses my emotions,"
- with smiles being plural confuses should be confuse

"willing blind leaps of fate with open eyes,
closed minds, and questioning lips
while forever passes by, unnoticed"
- you start this one out ending w/ ing, but switch in the third line to es, which changes the context of the poem.
just thought l'd point that out, but overall l really loved it. :)

[Hedra Helix]

you've a very clear mind. or at least you write as if you do;)
very real singular emotions and moments in life you pinpoint.
i think with the topic above as we grow older its about keeping ourselves in that place of excitement rather than just taking it for granted like we did when we were younger- and had less that was expected of us on the daily- that it will just be there. the daily must be now named for ouselves and the strive has to be focused on keeping that excitement, otherwise life is almost half lived.