how did you know you were in love?

this is a mess, hopefully it'll make sense to someone

how did i know i was in love?

when his laugh became my favorite song and i knew it by heart and i would do whatever i could to make it come on.

when i decided that if i could only say one word for the rest of my life it would be his name and if i could only see one color it would be the color of his eyes because i never knew that brown eyes were more than just brown eyes until i lost myself in his. and i saw myself in those eyes just like every time i look in the mirror i see him in mine. like the way i see him in everyone i pass on the street and search for his face in every crowded place.

when i started to miss him the moment he left the room and i'd spend my time letting him consume my mind and realize that maybe it is possible to feel homesick for a person.

when i lived for the ordinary moments that turned out to be the most powerful ones. when our spontaneity took over and we made every day an adventure and every adventure better than the last and never wanted time to pass too fast because even though we spent most of our time together it would never be enough, not ever.

but for a while i forgot why i fell in love. i became preoccupied with doubt and frustration and stress. my anxiety led me to believe that what i had was the worst even though i have always known that it's by far the best, there's no contest. no matter how hard i tried to convince myself otherwise, my mind would make it seem like something this good could only be a dream. like something this good was not meant for me. i don't deserve it. i'm not worth it. and that kind of thinking almost caused me to lose what i had which was perfect.

i knew i was in love when i felt my organs shutting down at the realization that i was losing the most amazing thing i would ever have. i was losing his eyes. i was losing his laugh. i knew i was in love when i drove home and felt my stomach twisting into a knot at the thought of being alone because if home were a person it would be him. i realized right then that i had the whole world, and resented myself for being unable to see that maybe good things happen to people who dream and maybe they deserve it.

but my eyes are wide open now, and god, are his more beautiful than ever.

Reviews

[S.Fischer]

You have some beautiful phrases in this, that first long stanza where you describe his eyes in particular has some incredible emotion and imagery. You show your feelings brilliantly throughout and I really like your turn of phrase and writing style.
I think you might want to look at the formatting however, its a lovely stream of consciousness but with some structure it could be even more.
Really enjoyed this, thanks.